Hi Guys! It’s been kind of a long time since the last time I posted anything, since last year actually, and I’m sorry about that, but there’s just been a lot going on lately. Between work, the gym, and other things going on on the side, it’s been a lot and I’ve been exhausted. But I’m back to posting (hopefully) regularly again and I can’t wait for you guys to see my next couple of posts! So let’s get started! 🙂
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Being in a relationship with someone you actually love and care about can be such a beautiful thing. You have someone that’s always going to be there for you, someone you can always talk to, someone you can laugh and be silly with all the time, and someone you can just be your full and complete self with. That’s always the hope anyway. But it’s no secret that in this day and age it’s almost ten times more difficult to find and/or be in a relationship with someone who completely and honestly reciprocates their feelings for you as you do for them. It’s a shame that that’s how things are, but it is what it is I guess.
That being said, I came with these sort of “tips” so to speak, that I think work really well when it comes to being in a relationship. And by no means am I in any way, shape, or form a relationship expert or trying to be one, so as always, when it comes to my posts I can and will only be going off of my personal experiences. And these are definitely things that I think I can say my boyfriend and I follow and are things that have worked really well for us throughout our relationship. And hey, we’ve been together almost 4 years now so I’m thinking it’s working well for us, and could possible work for you too.
(And no, I’m not trying to say or make it seem like we have “the perfect relationship” because we most definitely do not, but we’re happy and always manage to make things work by doing a lot of these things.)
Also, I am fully aware that everyone does things differently and/or in their own way, so the things I’m going to mention are not in any way groundbreaking or that 100% work for everyone. But they are suggestions and things that I have found work really well for us so I figure why not share them?
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I feel like something that is EXTREMELY important in a relationship and anything really is putting yourself first. That’s the key to happiness. And not in a an unhealthy and selfish type of way where all you think about is yourself and you don’t care about anyone’s feelings but your own. In a healthy, selfish way where you love yourself, know your own worth, not losing who you are just because you’re in a relationship and making sure that you are genuinely happy with yourself and that person; which brings me to my first point:
- Love yourself before loving someone else. I don’t fully agree with the saying “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself,” because I think it’s fully possible for it to happen, hell it’s happened to me, but I don’t recommend it. I know that sometimes you can’t control it, but you shouldn’t put yourself in the situation where you love someone else and don’t even actually love yourself because that means you’re always going to put their needs before your own, and sometimes that’s okay, but definitely not always and should not become a habit. Make sure you’re in the right mental and emotional state for yourself before you decide to take on someone else’s feelings as well.
- Don’t rush into anything with anyone. I feel like it’s extreme rare to see or hear that people go out on dates anymore. Date! Go out with the person a few times whether they’re full-on expensive dates or chill, simple ones to the park, because the whole point of dating isn’t where you go for the date. The point of dating is spending time with one another and actually getting to know who they are, how they are, and if this is someone you can see yourself being with for however long.
- Give each other space. As much as it may be great at first to see that person everyday, you need to give yourselves a little time and space away from each other to be able to miss one another a bit, especially if you guys are just dating at the moment. Obviously it would be different when you guys move in together and/or get married, but for the time being give yourselves a chance to miss each other. I know a few couples that were together for a number of years and saw each other literally EVERY SINGLE DAY for several hours a day, and it was great at first, but it just got to a point where they broke up because they got tired of each other since they were always together and never did anything apart. A little bit of space is always okay.
- A relationship consists of TWO people, not just one person or the other. It’s a two-way street as cliche as it may sound. Losing yourself/changing yourself just to make the other person happy because they may not like certain qualities about you is a no-no. It’s one thing to compromise with each other and help change certain bad habits about yourself and/or the other person, but it’s another thing when they may be knit-picking the smallest things to get on you about that they may dislike, because ultimately, they can’t force you to change yourself. Just as you can’t force them to change themselves. If it’s one thing that I’ve learned from previous relationships, it’s that you can’t force someone to change, no matter how bad they’re habits are or how badly you want them to. A person has got to want to change in order for it to happen. And if they really love/care about you, they will, otherwise you might just be wasting your time and energy.
- DO NOT publicize your business to the whole world about every little thing you go through on social media. This is pretty self-explanatory. This generation has gotten WAAAAAY too used to publicizing any little thing they go through in a relationship; if you guys break-up, if you got into an argument, if the person cheated, etc. And to an extent, I get it because you’re so upset and it’s in a really weird way like a coping and/or venting method. But it’s just not okay because 1. what happened between you two is your business, no matter how terrible it was and not everybody needs to know about it. And 2. if we’re being really real, a lot of you make yourselves look real stupid doing that because y’all end up getting back with them a few days or weeks later. And I think y’all think everyone forgets about when you completely posted about he/she cheating on you, when in actuality SO many people do not lol. Call it nosy, or whatever you want to consider it but it is what it is. A lot of people don’t forget, and then at that point you can’t tell people to mind their business or that everyone be in your business and putting they’re two sense in because you really did it to yourself from the beginning.
- Don’t believe everything you may hear about a person when starting a new relationship. If they’re instagram famous and you hear all these crazy things about them when they’re in a relationship, or just rumors in general about “regular” people, don’t believe it all. But also, don’t be naive and turn a blind eye to it. Just listen, take it into account and be mindful of it until you see (or don’t see these things) for yourself. Come to your own conclusions about the person, because people can be really envious and for all you know their just saying a lot of those things so that you won’t go for them and they will (that’s happened to me quiet a few times).
- Communication. Communication. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N!! You CANNOT have or be in a relationship without it. Talk it out, talk EVERYTHING out even if it takes hours. And if they find that annoying, boring or repetitive, well than maybe they’re not the right person for you. Communication really is key, from the biggest things to the most silly things.
- Support one another. Again, from the silliest things to all their hopes and dreams. If you can’t count on your significant other to love and support your aspirations, then what’s even the point of being in a relationship with them?
- The “Spark”- Don’t be with someone just to be with them and be able to say that you’re you in a relationship. Make sure there’s a real connection there between you two. Going for the looks will only take you so far in a relationship. If you don’t feel any real spark, then just let them go. Of course dating around and having fun is extremely important, especially when you’re young, but you also shouldn’t be wasting yours or the other person’s time.
- DON’T LET SOCIAL MEDIA DETERMINE HOW YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE!! Relationship goals are what YOU make them. Yes, those couples you see on social media doing outrageous things for one another are unbelievably cute sometimes, but you’re not them, and every couple is different in how they do things. Maybe you can’t afford to do things like that and vice versa with them. Maybe you guys just never thought to do certain things like that for one another, but that’s okay. It doesn’t make you guys any better or worse of a couple for not being able to. Do things that make you guys happy and always have.
- And finally, If you’re not meant to be in a relationship or ready for it, don’t be in one. I know i briefly touched upon this before, but it really is true and so important. It’s not fair to the other person, and especially don’t do it just because you may feel bad for them. Just be open and honest with the person about how you feel and they should understand instead of being led on. And if they don’t, well you can’t be mad at them for that, it’s just how they feel and maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
This generation has gotten way too used to getting into a disagreement of some sort with their significant other and immediately turning to what they think is the best and/or easiest alternative which is either just breaking up, or worse, cheating. Like cut the crap, grow up, and actually talk shit out and/or work it out. That is, if you ACTUALLY love and care about the person, otherwise don’t even bother to be honest.
A relationship takes time and effort. There’s going to be highs and lows, that’s inevitable, but how you choose to deal with those highs and lows will determine whether or not your relationship will make it. But it also shouldn’t feel like work. It shouldn’t be or feel like you’re killing yourself just to ensure that the relationship stays together. At the end of the day, although there will be lows, you should be happy and having fun with the person that you’re with, especially if you’re trying to have a real future with that person.
That’s all I’ve got for you guys and this post today. Let me know in the comments below what you guys think about the things I mentioned and if you think I missed or left anything out.
Also let me know if there are any particular things you guys would want to see me post about in the future. Remember any and all feedback from you guys is always welcome!
-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤