To whom it may apply,
Truthfully, there is no real reason for me to have to sit here and explain myself or my actions to anyone, but out of courtesy, this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and feel like I want to do.
There is also no reason for me to apologize for the decisions I’ve made unless it’s actually harmed anyone in any way, which, I highly doubt has happened. However, I feel like there are some things I want and need to get off my chest for the reasoning behind these actions which I’ll express in this letter.
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As I’ve mentioned several times in some of my previous posts recently, I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I’ve realized that I no longer have time for taking and/or dealing with crap from anyone; whether you are a friend, family, or even from passing strangers. And because I’ve made that realization, it’s forced me to make the conscious decision to have to cut all of the “dead weight”, so to speak, out of my life, that which includes some people and things that have been with me for YEARS.
If you happen to be one of those people, I do to some extent want to apologize because I realize that for some, it may have been or seemed sudden and out of nowhere. I’m not apologizing for me actually doing it, but the way that I did it. And although it may have seemed sudden to some, for me, it had most likely been building up for a number of months, if not years.
If you know me, you know that I tend to stay quiet for a lot, and if I’m your friend and/or an important person or part of your life, I will be there for you through thick and thin, no matter what. You can call me, text me, etc. and I’ll be there for you without question. My point in bringing this up is that because I’m like that, it takes A LOT (believe it or not) for me to finally give up and walk away from someone.
That being said, believe it or not for some of you that I’ve cut out, it wasn’t the easiest decision to make…Some of you that had been apart of my life for more than 10+ years. Some that we started out school together way back when. Some that I had been there for through some really serious shit; family stuff, relationship stuff, etc. But as time went on, and I started to be more hyperaware of all of the people and things around me, and where I knew I wanted to be with my life, I realized that my perception on a lot of these people and things had changed, because their actions towards me and their general habits were speaking louder then anything else.
None of them were going the extra mile for me, as I had with them. None of them would reach out to me, the way I did with them. And none of them would be there for me when I needed it, the same way I was with them. As a result, I started distancing myself, little by little. Those people started seeing and hearing from me less and less until it got to a point where they didn’t hear from me at all. Which was ironic because when I did to them what they did to me, they didn’t like it and would get upset with me about it, which made my decision to cut them out THAT much easier.
It was a harsh realization for me, but something that I knew had to be done in order for me to benefit myself and my future. I knew deep down that if I kept these people in my life that weren’t benefiting and/or lifting me up in anyway, that they were just going to end up holding me back later on down the line. Is that selfish? Probably, but in a healthy selfish way, I think.
Please trust, that if you REALLY knew me, you would’ve known that I never do anything to get anything in return; whether that’s materialistically or otherwise…BUT if you were a good, TRUE friend in general, out of courtesy and respect, you would’ve done for me everything that I had for you.
And to reiterate what I said in the beginning, I am sorry to some extent, because maybe the way I went about it all wasn’t exactly “the right way,” as in not saying anything, and just distancing myself, and I should’ve spoken to you about it. But, in my mind at the time, not only did I think that it was the easiest way to do it all, but I didn’t think it needed to be said, because any decent person would do for others what they wanted and expected other people that they consider ‘friends’ to do for them.
Truthfully, I just needed to do what was best for myself, because I’ve learned that not everyone is going to have the same mentality as me, and/or want the same things as me. Some people are just content with everything that they have at the moment and don’t care to do or want more, which is okay in its own way.
Just to be clear, I’m saying all of this now and it may or may not seem as if I’m upset and/or hurt by all of this, I mean I was, but please do not doubt that I am so beyond over all of this. I’ve made peace with everything that’s gone on. I’ve closed those chapters of my life, and am not holding any grudges towards any of those people or things, but I’m simply just telling “my side” of things.
Some people and things are just not meant to be permanent in your life, and I’ve come to make peace with that. It is unfortunate at times, but it’s all in God’s plan for us.
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I hope to some, this was some sort of form of closure, although who even knows if you actually want, need it or care. And to others, I just hope it means we can peacefully close that chapter, put it behind us and move on with our lives without issue and/or drama. There is no bad blood. There is no “tea to be spilled.” There is no drama or “beef”. There is nothing but the memories of what was and what currently is.
**Note: This letter was not in any way a form of singling out any particular person, but actually, I had a variety of people in mind when writing this which there is no need to mention them, because they most likely know who they are, and if they don’t that’s fine too.**