When The Universe Speaks, You Listen…

Hey guys,

Long time, no see!

I hope you’re all doing well and staying as healthy and positive as you possibly can throughout the crazy times we’re currently living in.

For today’s post, I wanted to talk about some stuff that’s been going on recently. This is going to be a bit deep and apart of all of the spirituality stuff I’ve been talking to you guys about recently, so if you don’t really believe in that stuff or aren’t interested in it, then you should probably stop here and skip this post.

Before I continue I also wanted to mention that, no, all my posts moving forward are NOT going to be solely spirituality based. In fact, this may be the last one for a while (unless you guys really are interested in it and want me to continue to speak about it). I just wanted to be able to bring you guys along for this mental health/spirituality journey that I’ve been on for the past few months.

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Where I’m At Right Now

At this point, it’s been about 4 months since I’ve officially been diagnosed with anxiety, and 5 months since I started feeling everything that I mentioned previously. I’ve been VERY open with you guys about everything that I had been going through, the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve also let you guys know all of the things that were helping me to cope with that anxiety, but today I want to talk to you about something deeper that’s been helping and the results I’ve been getting because of it.

To just be straight up about it, I believe that the MAIN 2 things that have been helping me the absolute most recently are my crystals and prayer.

*DISCLAIMER BEFORE I CONTINUE: I AM NOT ONE TO PUSH RELIGION OR MY GENERAL BELIEFS ON TO ANYONE. EVERYTHING I AM GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT ARE JUST THINGS THAT HAVE WORKED FOR ME PERSONALLY AND I WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU GUYS IN CASE YOU HAVE FELT STUCK LIKE I HAVE THE PAST FEW MONTHS AND CHOOSE TO GIVE THEM A TRY ON YOUR OWN.*

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What’s Been Working

Going through sudden and intense anxiety attacks the way that I was, was one of the scariest things I’ve ever gone through in my life. There were times where it literally felt like I was losing control of my mind and body, and even felt like I was going to die at any minute (sorry to be so gruesome, but it’s true).

People (my family, friends, etc.) would tell me left and right that I was going to be okay eventually, I just had to give it time. As nice as it was to hear those things from those people, it didn’t feel like enough. In spite of everyone telling me the same things over and over again, I was still FEELING how I was internally, and it was terrifying.

I turned to every single book, online article, and even spoke to a clairvoyant, in hopes that it would give me the ease in mind that I was looking for.

I. WAS. DESPERATE.

Desperate for someone to give me new information about myself, what I was feeling, or simply just give me hope that this in fact was going to pass (and hopefully soon).

So, I ended up turning to something that I hadn’t really done in YEARS.

PRAYER.

The past few months I have been praying with my crystals like CRAZY asking God/the Universe to send me a sign; any kind of sign that I am going to be okay because of how scared I was about it all. Every single night before bed (still to this day) I pray with my crystals. I talk to God/the Universe about my day, the good and the bad, what I’m struggling with, what I’m hoping for, what I’m thankful for, etc. In the morning I do something similar where I talk about my hopes for the day, how thankful I am to have been able to wake up to another beautiful day, etc.

It may not seem much to some, and even when I first started doing it again, I didn’t think it was doing much, but the more you do it, the better you feel (I think). Even after doing it for about a month, that I felt it wasn’t doing much or that “nothing was happening,” internally, for mental health, I felt SO good about it everyday. I actually looked forward to saying my prayers every morning to start the day and every night before going to bed. It became part of my routine.

It wasn’t until I least expected it, about 2-3 months after I was doing it that I really started to notice “THE SIGNS.”

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The Signs

A sign could potentially be anything to anyone. What’s a sign to me, may not be a sign to you, it may just look like whatever to you, and that’s okay, but I want to talk to you guys about some of the signs I was seeing that started letting me know my prayers were actually being answered and slowly but surely, things were getting better.

When I first started seeing them I second guessed it a LOT because I kept thinking “maybe I’m just so desperate that I’m making it up,” “maybe these things were always here and I’m only just noticing them,” etc., but that wasn’t the case at all, and I’ll tell you why when I mention them….

  1. 2 monarch butterflies.

It took me a while to realize this one. Everyday throughout quarantine during my hour lunch break, my best friend Geno and I would walk around the park that I live across the street from, but to start each walk, we would always sit on these benches in the middle of it and just talk.

It took me about 2 weeks to realize these butterflies were FOLLOWING me….crazy? Let me continue….I live in the South Bronx, across the street from a park that isn’t necessarily the cleanest. And I’ve lived here my entire life. When I tell you you never see butterflies like that in the park, you NEVER SEE BUTTERFLIES LIKE THAT IN THE PARK!! (iykyk). The most you see are the little basic white ones that are always usually in parks.

I really started to realize them when every time I was in the park with Geno, they were always hovering around us. And every time I would go home and sit outside in front of my house, one of them would always be there. So, I decided to look up the meaning of them and this is what I found….

Monarch Butterfly Numbers Rise Dramatically - Texas A&M Today

Butterflies are seen as a symbol of foretelling and spiritual transformation in Christianity. In Catholicism, they are a symbol of rebirth, a strong theme throughout many religious texts. … According to some sources, a Monarch butterfly in particular is a sign that you are on the right path to achieve your goals.”

Geno noticed them too and realized that it was always when we were sitting in that spot/area that they would appear and be around us. After a while, when I realized their purpose, they weren’t around anymore.

2. Dragonflies

This one I realized halfway through the summer. Again, we live in an area that things like dragonflies really aren’t all that common to see around. Plus, dragonflies are SO fast when they fly, you could barely see them to begin with unless they’re settled on a spot for you to be able to notice them.

My dad actually noticed this one after a while too and it was only when we were sitting on our back patio that we would see them flying/hanging around. Again, I decided to look it up and this is what I found…..

Swarms of dragonflies across 3 states are so large they're showing up on  radar - ABC News

“In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The change that is often referred to has its source in mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life.”

They too disappeared after I really started to pay attention to their presence and purpose.

3. Bees

This one kind of pissed me off because I HATE bees, but hey…you can’t/shouldn’t question the Universe, right? Lol.

I started noticing this one when Geno and I would actually start having lunch at one of the park tables instead of walking around like we used to.

Now I know what you’re thinking, bees are definitely everywhere, especially in parks, and I agree with you. That’s why at this point I started questioning whether or not the things I was seeing/encountering were actually signs or I was just doing too much. HOWEVER, Geno would even agree, the bees were always flying to me specifically; on me, next to me, etc. (and not just in the park, we would be walking around Manhattan and the same thing would happen. And no, I don’t wear fragrances or anything like that that would attract them!! Anyway, once again, although at this point I was definitely skeptical, I still decided to look it up and this is what I found….

Spiritual Meaning of Bees Landing On You

“The bee symbolizes community, brightness and personal power. Follow the bee to discover your new destination. Bees are a symbol of wealth, good luck and prosperity since Ancient times. Charms in the shape of a honey bee are said to be good luck for attracting wealth.”

4. Finally, a white dove.

I’m just going to start this one off by saying, who the HELL randomly sees a white dove in the South Bronx?? Especially one that lands right next to them and stays staring at them for like 5 minutes, and even let me go towards it and didn’t flinch or immediately fly away like a bird normally would?!

This one really blew my mind.

However, because I felt no one would believe this one, I not only took a picture, but I also made my parents see it as well before it left. And as soon as they came out, the dove flew up and landed right next to my dad on the banister. I believe that the dove had 2 purposes and was also a sign for him as well.

Some people said this was an albino pigeon, but when I looked up what a dove looked like, it looked the same to me. Regardless, of course I HAD to look this one up, and this is what I found….

White doves are symbolic of new beginnings, peace, fidelity, love, luck and prosperity.  Their release is a tradition that has been making ceremonies, rituals and celebrations more powerful and meaningful for thousands of years. Releasing doves uplifts the eyes, signifies new beginnings and true celebrations in flight.”

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Sorry this post is so long, but I really wanted to share this stuff with you guys and let you know that the Universe is ALWAYS listening and sending you signs about your life paths believe it or not, you just have to pay attention to them, even if they seem a little far-fetched!!

This is also why I am SUCH a firm believer that if you are a good person who does what he/she has to do, you are a believer and ask, I promise you will receive. It may not be today, tomorrow or in a week, but it WILL happen. You just have to keep your faith, continue to believe and also PUT IN THE WORK. The Universe isn’t going to just give you what you want a silver platter. You have to ask, but also do your part!!

🧿🧿I’ve been so blessed in more ways then one these past few weeks, and I can’t wait to finally be able to share with you guys how/why I say that, so stay tuned for it!🧿🧿

I hope you guys enjoyed this post and managed to read it til the end. Love you guys, thanks so much for reading, don’t forget to drop a like and hit the follow button if you’re new and I’ll see you in the next one! ❤️❤️❤️

-Xoxo, LeoGirl 

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For Business Inquiries, email me at: emilyhernandez817@gmail.com

How I’ve Been Coping With Anxiety

Hey guys,

Happy Wednesday! How’s everyone doing?! I hope you’re all doing great. I personally have been doing okay lately. I have good and bad days, but I’ve been trying to stay strong and push through, hoping for better days everyday.

In my last post I opened up and spoke to you guys about how I’ve been struggling with anxiety for almost 2 months now (if you haven’t seen it, I’ll leave it linked here for you to check out).

Because of this, for today’s post I wanted to talk to you guys about some of the things that have been helping me relax and cope with my anxiety recently.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been doing a ton of research lately on all things anxiety so I can really learn about it and figure out how I can attempt to fix this. So, everything I’m going to mention are things that I’ve found online to be helpful or the suggestions that some of my friends have given to me to help.

Unfortunately, these things aren’t full-proof (for me anyway), and therefore, sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t, BUT more often than not, these things HAVE been working for me.

I’m going to list everything and explain when/how I use them, unless it’s self-explanatory and doesn’t need any sort of explanation lol. I’m also going to do my best to link everything directly to where you can find and buy them if you’re interested in trying any of these things.

So without further adieu…..

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  1. Calming/Relaxing Teas

IMG_9744

Specifically from the brand Yogi. I’m sure there are a ton of other brands that carry teas similar to this that may even be better and more beneficial, but for now, these are the ones I’ve been using. I got them all off Amazon. Thus far I’ve only tried and REALLY liked the Honey Lavender Stress Relief and Calming ones, and they do always seem to help.

I know some people tend to put honey and other things in their tea to help better the taste, but personally I just drink it as is.

Here is the Lavender Stress Relief tea.

Here is the Calming tea.

Here is the Relaxed Mind tea.

And finally, here is the Bedtime tea.

2. CBD Gummies

IMG_9789

When I first started going through this, I asked people on my Instagram to recommend me things that have helped them now or in the past with their own anxiety, and SO many people recommended this and marijuana. I personally have never smoked before and don’t really care to try it, so I figure I look into CBD gummies and see what they’re about. Sure enough I did, and this was one of the top brands that I came across in my research.

I typically tend to take this at about 8:30-9pm almost every night to calm me and my mind before bed. It takes about an hour to kick in which is why I take it so early, because then by 10-10:30 I’m relaxed and ready for bed. The recommended amount to take is 2 per time, but I’ve only been doing one and it still seems to help/work the same.

If you’re interested, I’ll leave them linked here …. I actually just saw on the website though that the specific ones I got (pictured above) are sold-out for the time being. But they have other options, so I would definitely recommend still looking into it.

3. Essential Oils

IMG_9787

Essential oils were actually something that my mom got me into. When all this first started for me and we were all confused about what was going on, my mom figured we try this to help and calm me down. Particularly the lavender scent which, after doing research on it, was a KEY scent to help calming anxiety apparently, so it was smart thinking on her part.

I would take the lavender oil and basically rub it all over my chest and back at night so that it can sink into the skin and help me relax. I would then take the one titled sleep and rub it on my temples, up and down my t-zone and on the sides of my nose, and it would actually help me sleep pretty great most nights.

The one titled immunity was actually a newer oil I got once I decided to purchase a diffuser, and it’s supposed to help protect against negative external influences.

Now I save the oils strictly for my diffuser and no longer put the oils all over me at night anymore because I use something else now which I’ll explain in a little bit.

I got all my oils and the diffuser from Target which is linked here if you guys want to try getting some.

4. Aromatherapy Sleep Body Lotion

IMG_9791

This lotion is something that I recently came across when I was on the Bath & Body Works website, although it is by no means a new product, just something I never had use for until I started feeling how I have been lately.

I bought this lotion, a few aromatherapy candles and an aromatherapy body wash, all scents similar to this that are supposed to help with stress relief, to sleep better, etc.

I literally use this lotion every single night. I put it all over my arms, neck and chest and even on my face a bit. This is the alternative that I use now to the oils that I used before. And this product in particular has been working wonders for me at night recently, so I would definitely check it out if you haven’t before.

I’ll leave it linked here so you can get it easily if you want to.

5. Meditation/Mindfulness

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Another big thing that people were recommending to me when I asked for suggestions was to try getting into meditation. It definitely wasn’t easy because you really have to learn how to sit still for a certain amount of time, focusing on your breath and trying to clear your mind, but after a few tries, it gets easier.

I’ve gotten a lot of recommendations for guided meditations on YouTube, which I’ve sort of tried, but those tend to be on the longer side, so if you’re not used to it it can feel like a lot. What I’ve been turning to a lot and taking advantage of for this is the Calm app. They have all sorts of soothing sounds, meditations (long and short), bedtime stories, etc. to try and I’ve really been liking it lately.

Unfortunately, for some things on this app you do have to pay and sort of have a membership for, but there are a few free things on there that you can check out. And, they allow you a 7-day trial to try it out then go from there if you want to buy the membership for the year. I would definitely recommend doing the trial and then going from there, because it’s been very helpful for me in the mornings, throughout the day and even at night.

6. Journaling

coffee-journaling

I have absolutely no idea why it took me so long to think to do this one, but it did…..it took me about a month of feeling how I had been before I thought to write everything I’ve been feeling down.

Diego and a few others really encouraged me to journal everything I was feeling, and sure enough, the more I started doing that, the more I began to feel better (at night anyway).

I primarily prefer to journal at night just because I can really think and write about the entire day as a whole, but there have been a few times where I end up randomly writing throughout the day as well.

7. Reading

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Reading has been really great at easing my mind at night as well. There’s something about picking up a good book at the end of the day before bed….right now I’m reading a book about mindfulness (which kind of ties into meditating as well) and I’m learning a lot about both. The book gives all kinds of breathing and mindfulness exercises to help you be more present and in the moment from serious things like gatherings to the smallest things like when you’re brushing your teeth. It’s really great.

8. Therapy

Finally…..I haven’t really mentioned this to many people before, but I enrolled myself into therapy about 2 weeks after I started feeling how I was. Obviously it can’t be face to face therapy for the time being due to the pandemic, but I’ve been using this great app called Talkspace which matches you with a therapist for your specific needs.

I speak to my therapist at least once a day for the most part, and it’s been really good for me. I know a lot of people tend to be against therapy because it’s a stranger you’re talking to and that can be nerve-wracking to open up to someone like that, but I promise it helps; especially through this app because it’s really informal in an interesting way. You can send texts and voice notes and even schedule video calls with your therapist if that’s what you prefer.

I’ve been learning a lot, and really it’s like journaling, except you’re actually speaking to someone about everything you’re feeling instead of writing it down (although I love doing that too obviously) and they’re giving you their insight and ways to possibly help with everything you’re feeling.

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I hope you guys enjoyed this post and that it was helpful to you in some way, shape or form if you’ve been dealing with anxiety and looking for new ways to sort of help it and calm/relax your mind.

Let me know if you ended up trying any of these things and how they worked out for you. Also let me know if there’s anything outside of this list that you tend to use that works well for you, that you think I should try. I’m always open to new suggestions.

Thank you guys for reading. If you enjoyed this post, please make sure to drop a like and follow my blog if you haven’t already.

-Xoxo, LeoGirl ❤

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Life Update: What’s Really Been Going On

Hey guys,

I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe throughout everything that has been going on in the world recently.

Life has been really crazy, and I’m not even just talking about with quarantine anymore…..but that’s a conversation for another day.

I wanted to make this post today to be honest with you guys and let you in on what’s been going on with me recently. I made a YouTube video talking all about it a few days ago which I’ll leave linked here if you want to check it out.

I wanted to be able to make a blog post talking about it because I know I sort of have a different type of audience here then I do on my other platforms and that parts of my audience would rather read then watch videos on things like this, so here we are.

I know in my previous blog posts I had mentioned how I was really content throughout our time in quarantine and actually really enjoyed it and was getting a ton of work done, but I guess deep down, that wasn’t true at all.

My guess is that although originally I was content in the beginning and okay with being home all this time, the more time I spent at home, the more it started to get to me….

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About a month ago on May 14th, I suffered from what I can only assume was my first panic attack. It was a random Thursday afternoon at about 5pm, I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary other than working like I always did, when suddenly I started to feel really weird internally. I started to feel lightheaded and almost like my heart rate was dropping. So, I went into the kitchen to see and talk to my mom in hopes that it would distract me and the feeling would go away, because I figured that I was probably just sitting in front of my computer for too long. When I got up, I felt slightly worse, and I told my mom what I was feeling, that it felt like I could barely breath and like I was going to pass out at any minute (thankfully I didn’t though). We weren’t really sure what was happening so all we did was have me drink really cold water and throw some cold water on my face and neck. After I just walked up and down my driveway to get some air and stretch my legs…..that was the first episode. It went away shortly after that, but it was the  official start of me having anxiety.

The next serious/scary episode was about 3 days later when my mom and I decided to take a little walk to this store nearby our house. Well that “little walk” ended up turning into a 5 mile one when we decided to walk to this Target that’s about 20 minutes more or less away. The walk going was nice, we took our time and just enjoyed it all, but once we actually got to the Target, everything changed…we got there and the line to get in was a little ridiculous, but people were telling us that it was going relatively quick, so we decided to wait about 5-10 minutes on line and see how far we got. As SOON as we got to the back of the line, I immediately started to feel almost exactly how I did on Thursday, and like I was going to pass out. I obviously got very nervous since we were in a very public place and it was just mom and I. Within 2 minutes, I ended up telling my mom that we should just go, so we did. I honestly don’t even know how I managed to get home. The whole walk home was miserable, my chest was tight, I was lightheaded and my right arm started to feel numb-ish. It was all just very scary. We finally ended up getting home, and again, everything ended up being somewhat okay and going away.

The days following this one were on and off…..one day I would feel anxious and uneasy, the next, I was fine. The whole thing was just really scary because who ever wants to feel like they can’t breath, even if it is all mental? The more it happened, the more freaked out and anxious I was throughout the day; constantly feeling nervous, constantly feeling my heart area to make sure that it WAS beating, etc. It was even scarier not knowing WHY any of this was happening. We had our guesses, but we had no way to know for sure.

Due to the circumstances of COVID-19, relatively everything was still closed at the time, and the last thing we wanted to do was go all the way to the hospital with all of this going on, if it wasn’t serious,  AND rack up a ridiculous hospital bill for the check-up. However, the Tuesday following Memorial Day weekend , we were FINALLY able to get an appointment with my primary physician. It was the most exciting and nerve-racking thing. Exciting because I was FINALLY going to find out if something was wrong, but nerve-racking because what if something WAS wrong and serious?

Sure enough, thank GOD, my doctor checked all the important stuff (my heart, lungs, stomach and blood pressure) and everything internally was fine to him. Although he’s not a therapist in any way, shape or form, based off of everything I was telling him that I felt, he basically confirmed what we were all assuming it was, which was stress and anxiety.

As soon as we left the doctor I almost instantly felt a wave of relief. Yes, it still sucked that I was feeling and going through all of these things, but unbelievably relieved to know that it was nothing seriously wrong with me internally. It also almost entirely confirmed what we assumed it was, so we were then able to actually look into things and treatments for anxiety. It gave us some type of clarity.

Ever since than, I’ve been doing research like crazy online, readings books about it, and looking for recommendations for how to help my anxiety.

It’s been a little over a month now that I’ve been dealing with this, and although it can be really scary, there are good and bad days, and I can honestly say that things haven’t been anywhere near as bad as they were when it all started. I think I’m finally getting a handle on this.

* * * * * *

I want to apologize because I almost feel like I lied to you guys about how I was feeling in my previous posts, but it wasn’t my intention. I genuinely felt like I was content and okay with being home working all this time, but deep down like I said, I wasn’t. I guess between quarantine from the virus and everything else going on in the news/world, it really started to get to me.

It got so bad that I couldn’t focus on my work, and I was barely eating and sleeping. Anxiety can be such a scary thing if you don’t know or learn how to control it. It makes you feel like you’re losing yourself and you have no control of getting yourself back.

In my next post, I’m going to be sharing with you guys some of the things that have been helping me cope/ease my mind and anxiety for the past month, so make sure you stay tuned for that.

I hope this post was informative and gave you guys a better sense of where I’ve been and how I’ve really been doing. It’s been really hard, and it’s kind of felt like I’ve lost myself in the past month or so, but everyday I’m working towards getting better, stronger and healthier again, and I can’t wait for the day that I can finally say I’m 100% feeling myself again.

It was also really important for me to share this with you guys in hopes of it possibly inspiring someone else to come out with their story and showing them that they’re not alone. I know that was a major issue for me when this all started was that I felt really emotional and alone, because I could explain it a million different times to a million different people, but them knowing that I’m healthy and never actually experiencing it for themselves, they’ll never really understand. So, if you happen to be someone going through this as well, please feel free to comment below or reach out to me privately so we can talk about it and connect. I would love to hear from you guys about it.

Thanks you guys for reading and following me on this new little journey of mine. I hope you continue to stick around and hopefully see a better me soon.

-Xoxo, LeoGirl ❤

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