What’s Been Going On Lately?

Hey Guys,

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these spur of the moment, impromptu, what’s going on with me lately, type posts.

I figure today could be one of those posts because I’ve got SO much stuff running through my mind at the moment that I wanted to share a bit with you guys, so I guess that’s what I’m going to be doing.

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So, where to begin?….

I guess I can start off with the way I’ve been feeling since we’ve gotten back from our trip.

The first couple of days were genuinely tough, not only because of the jet-lag that I was dealing with, but also because of the vacation withdrawals I was going through.

Vacation withdrawals are a VERY real thing; some people take it serious and some just brush it off because they know that they’ve enjoyed their time during the vacation, and now it’s over, and that’s okay. But for me, it REALLY sucked when it was over.

Why?

I guess because it was the first trip I had gone on in SUCH a long time, I was planning it for SO long and it was the first trip that I had ever completely paid for and planned on my own. We had such an amazing time and were so care-free while over there, it was great.

And then we came back to reality and went back to our normal routines, which is fine because that’s what’s supposed to happen, but it made me realize that I don’t really like my normal routine, and I know I can be doing SO much more.

I went back to working both jobs that take up AT LEAST 75% of my time most days, which I’m VERY grateful to have because some people aren’t as lucky, BUT neither of them are what I REALLY want to be doing…

It left me thinking a lot lately about why I’m giving so much of my time and energy to these things that leave me with little to no free-time for myself to be working on the things that actually matter to me? Obviously I need to work, and obviously I need money. However, why continue to give all this time and energy to these things that are in no way, shape, or form adding real meaning to my life nor my career??

*I’m predominantly referring to my second job, not my primary one, btw.*

Doing this, I’ve quickly realized, is actually what’s sucking the energy, motivation and creativity away from me. It’s leaving me exhausted all of the time, and is what’s forcing me to have lack of motivation to do anything but rest really.

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My writing and blog are SO important to me, and because of all this, it’s caused me to have writer’s block more so than what I normally would have. I know the type of things I want to write and talk about, but I’ve been second guessing myself SO much recently and don’t actually know or feel like they’re interesting enough to publish on my site.

I’m such a perfectionist and have such high expectations for myself that it’s hard for me to actually put myself and my writing out there sometimes when I don’t feel like it’s my best, and this just adds on to it since I feel like I’m not really giving it my all.

I mean, who wants to post just to post? Not me.

I want to make sure that if I’m posting and putting myself out there, it’s because I’m giving you guys my best.

I’m also well-aware that I’ve got no one to blame but myself for this, because I’m the one who chose to pick up a second job, and money-wise it’s been okay, but at what cost?

I’m past the point of doing these things and jobs that don’t mean much to me. I want and need to start focusing more on finding things that make me happy and continue to be an asset to my life as well as my creativity.

I want to be happy doing the work that I am, and although I was content with these things, jobs, etc. for a while, I’m realizing more and more that it’s time to take a step back from all of that (while being smart about it obviously), and really begin to look for and do work in the specific field that I want.

That being said, I’m making the executive decision to make some big changes in my life in the coming weeks/months.

I don’t know exactly what all of them will be and how I’m going to go about them, but even if I did, I don’t think it would be the best and/or smartest thing to do to tell you guys them just yet (I’m sort of superstitious in that sense). Once they become more final, I will be sure to share them with you guys as much as I can and bring you guys along in my journey as I’ve always promised that I would!!

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On a separate and somewhat more POSITIVE note, I’ve really been trying my best since coming back to keep myself as busy as possible with the fun and more creative stuff that I like to do like with my blog, planning other trips/events and shooting more content for my Instagram.

I told myself (as well as Diego since he is my photographer) that I want and need to be more consistent when it comes to my content on Instagram. Social media isn’t everything, but it is and I think always will be a BIG portion of where my following comes from, so it is very much true what people tend to say, that consistency IS key. So there’s that.

I’ve also seriously been considering more and more recently creating a YouTube channel.

This really isn’t anything new and is actually something I’ve been saying I want to try doing for a while now, but I don’t know….lately I’ve been watching a TON of different videos which has been inspiring me more and more to want to finally do it.

I need to figure a few more things out as far as how I’m going to have the separation between creating enjoyable content for you guys both for my blog here and on the channel, but let’s see…….LeoGirl could be coming to YouTube soon, who knows? 😏 stay tuned for that.

And finally, Diego and I have a few things coming up soon that are pretty exciting. Nothing that’s too through the roof and extravagant, but a few things that are really fun and exciting for us that I can’t wait for you guys to see, INCLUDING a very possible trip for my own birthday in August…..🤪, it’s still in the works, but remember what I told you guys, when I really want and/or put my mind to something, I will ALWAYS find a way to make it happen 😇.

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I’m really trying to remain positive because I know all of this that I’ve been feeling lately is only temporary, but I wanted to share it with you guys in hopes that it’ll show you if you’re feeling the same way at all (about any of these things), that you are not alone.

It’s a sucky feeling to have in the moment, but unfortunately that’s life, and it happens. The only thing we can do is try to think ahead and hope that we can find solutions to these things and/or have things to look forward to before it gets us down.

Regardless, I hope you guys enjoyed this post. Please like, share, follow and comment, and I’ll see you guys in my next one.

-Xoxo, LeoGirl ❤

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I Don’t Know Who Needs To Hear This But….

You are not alone.

I know that feeling. I know how it feels to feel like you have to deal with your demons silently. I know how it feels to feel like you can’t even turn to your own family. I know how it feels to not even want to turn to your closest friends or significant other for fear of feeling like a burden. I know how it feels to feel like you have no one. I know how it feels to feel like you’re stuck and have no options.

I know that place, and it freakin’ sucks to be in it.

That being said, I don’t care if I don’t know you, I don’t care if you think I may not like you, I don’t even care if we’ve had “issues” in the past. If you’re seriously struggling internally and feel like you’ve got nowhere to go and no one to speak to, I will be “someone” for you. I will be there for you if you want and/or need it.

If I can be of some type of help to you, or just someone to speak to for the day to clear your mind and thoughts, or be that ‘shoulder to cry on,’ I will be that.

Please reach out. I promise you, someone will care and want to listen. I promise that you won’t actually have to go through anything alone.

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Stay Strong.

-Xoxo, Emily ❤

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My First 2 Tattoo Experiences

Hey Everybody! The title of this post is self-explanatory, but I’m going to be speaking about my overall first experiences of getting tattooed; where I went, what I got, why I got it, and a ton of other things involving that.

Obviously everyone’s experiences are different and will be different, but I’m going to share with you guys how it was for me both times.

I really wanted to be able to document the first time I got tattooed, but it was so in the moment, that I completely forgot and by the time I thought about it, it was over. So, I’m going to be incorporating my first and second one in this.

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Firstly, I just want to start off by saying that I’ve always been interested in tattoos, like the artistic-ness of it, the meanings behind certain ones, etc. BUT, I really never thought I would ever be the type to want and/or get any. For a LONG time, I never even considered it. Like are you crazy?! Going through that pain, inking my body like that and having to literally live with it for the rest of my life!?! Naw, not for me, sorry….

However, I think that drastically changed (obviously lol) in the past year. I would say what really pushed me to get my first one, was when Spencer passed away almost a year ago (my cat who I wrote an entire post about and will leave linked here in case you wanted to check it out). It took me a while to really push myself to go and get it, but I knew that, for myself, I wanted and needed to do it for him.

I was researching like crazy, looking up ideas for what I wanted and trying to plan the entire thing out so it could be perfect. It was about a month after he passed that I settled on what exactly I wanted (which is pictured below).

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I finally ended up getting it on June 16, 2018.

I settled on what I wanted about a month after he passed away, but didn’t actually end up getting it done until about 6-7 months after I settled on it. There’s a variety of reasons for this, but mainly because of the nerves I had about it all.

I actually kind of got lucky because a friend of mine who I’ve literally known since I was a kid, is a tattoo artist, and so once I finally settled on what I wanted, I contacted her and she completely talked me through the whole thing and settled my nerves TREMENDOUSLY. Even on the day of, she was talking me through everything, answered every single question I had from the amount of pain I may be feeling, to the equipment she was using, etc. It was SO comforting and an overall great experience.

The name of the girl I went to is Shamalee Delacruz (her Instagram name is @tatubuny if you live in New York and wanted to check her and her work out, which you guys totally should). She is such a sweet person, and her work is really great. She’s so great at detail and making sure you get EXACTLY what it is you want, which is obviously extremely important when getting a tattoo. So I 100% recommend her if you’re considering getting any sort of tattoo work done.

I obviously spoke about the general meaning of it, as in who it was dedicated to, but to be more “specific”, my first one is just saying that Spencer will always be apart of me, in my heart. As for the placement of that tattoo, I got it on my wrist because it was somewhere that I knew I would always be able to see it. So now, whenever I miss him or anything, I just always look down, see it there and it always weirdly makes me feel better.

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So that was my first tattoo, which I got back in June. For my second one, which I just got done 2 days ago, I went to Shamalee again and got something that was extremely deep in meaning and important to me.

It always feels weird to talk about this one, just because it’s not something that I’m like trying to brag about to people, and I also just don’t generally talk about it much to anyone that isn’t super close to me (although I am trying to get better at being more vocal about it).

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Ultimately, the second one I got has to do with mental health. I’ve briefly spoken about it a few times on my blog before, but for those of you that are new and/or just didn’t know, I suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s something that I think I’ve always sort of dealt with throughout my life, but only recently did it start to get worse and really make me realize how real it is. This is something in my life that I’m probably always going to have to deal with, and if you know me, you know that I’m a fighter. But, when I have bad days, I have REALLY bad days, which I don’t always like to admit because of how intense it is, but the thought of suicide does come to mind every now and than. And I really don’t at all mean to say that light-heartedly, but it’s the truth, and because of that I decided to get this tattoo.

For those of you that don’t know, in literature, a semi-colon is used when an author could’ve ended a sentence, but chose not to. In this case, specifically, the author is myself and the sentence is my life. Something so tiny, yet so meaningful and impactful. So that’s the meaning of the semi-colon itself, as for the birds, I’ve just ALWAYS been obsessed with little bird tattoos for some reason, I think they’re so cute and just add more meaning to most tattoos. With that, a bird usually symbolizes freedom and perspective. See the finished product below.

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Got this one done on Saturday, September 29th.

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For both times, it was the weirdest thing because the days leading up to me actually getting them, I was nervous as hell. But the day of and throughout the entire process, I was strangely calm. Partly I’m sure because of how comfortable Shamalee made me, and I guess the other part is just because I knew how much they both meant to me and how badly I wanted them.

Which now leads me to one of the most important aspects of getting tattooed that most people wonder about….the pain. And rightfully so considering you should know more or less exactly what you’re getting yourself into before doing it. Now, as I mentioned earlier, everyone’s experience is and will be different, which means that everyone’s pain tolerance is different. Personally, being that I had never done anything remotely close to this before, I was pretty much going in blind since I had no form of reference for how much “pain” or not I was going to be in. The place that I got both my tattoos (the wrist area) is supposed to be an extremely sensitive spot for them; as in, it’s typically suppose to be more painful, especially since my second one kind of wraps around my wrist onto my bone. But personally, it really didn’t hurt much at all. It really just felt like hard, repetitive pinching….is that weird? Just me? Okay then….

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Overall, for both of my tattoos, I had two (thankfully) great and easy going experiences and healing processes.

And to be honest, I’m already addicted and planning what I might…..probably…..most likely will be getting next….don’t judge me!! 🌚

Anyway guys, that’s it for this post. Those were my first 2 tattoo experiences. I really hope that you guys enjoyed it. Leave me a comment down below or write to me on social media about what your first tattoo experience(s) were like, I’d love to hear from you about it! 😀

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you guys in my next one.

*Special thanks again to Shamalee for doing this for me and making me feel super comfortable throughout it all, and for doing exactly what I wanted! As well as Diego for taking these great pictures! ❤ *

-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤

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