Confidence Is Key

You guys, if there’s any 2 things that I can take away from 2018 thus far, it’s that 1. if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will and 2. confidence is EVERYTHING.

2 majorly important things, that which are not at all easy to achieve for some. In fact, for some (many…..most?), these 2 things are things that take YEARS to master.

You need to believe in yourself in order for other people to, and not in a “you have to please and/or prove anything” to them type of way, but more of in a “oh he/she is not only serious about what it is they’re doing, but they’re also owning the heck out of it,” sort of way. There’s a major difference.

I’ve learned that doing that (along with your actual work obviously) is going to end up not only attracting more people to you as a person, but also whatever work it is that you’re trying to put out there to the world.

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As I said, I’m fully aware that confidence like this doesn’t happen overnight, in fact, it’s something that may take YEARS for you or anyone to perfect, but that’s okay.

People are going to talk regardless if you’re succeeding or failing at whatever it is that you want to do with your life. There are ALWAYS going to be haters, critics, and people who just generally don’t care about the work you’re putting out into the world. Which, for a long time it’s going to suck to see, but as long as YOU know that you’re working hard and being the best version of you and your work possible, that is ALL that should truly matter.

Although most times it’s easier said than done, you need to do your best to ignore any and all negativity that may be blocking you from doing your best work. Being insecure about putting yourself out there and receiving negative or no feedback at all can be REALLY discouraging, that’s normal, but you can’t just let those feelings take over and win.

Take those feelings and use them as motivation to add fuel to your fire to want to do TEN TIMES better than you were before, because if you keep trying your hardest to put that all aside and putting your best work out there, I promise that slowly but surely you will begin to see results.

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I’m not an expert, and I’m obviously still learning with each day that passes, but I’ve dealt with this SO many times, so speaking from experience, take it from me. I’ve been doing this blogging thing for a little over a year now, and similar to doing YouTube, sometimes it gets REALLY hard, harder than people may think. That’s because there are so many bloggers out here trying to make it and trying to do what I’m doing that it gets discouraging to see sometimes when I don’t get likes, views, comments or followers on my post.

I used to take it SO hard, to the point where it would stop me from wanting to write altogether, and don’t get me wrong, every once in a while it still happens, but after reading various bloggers’ advice/tips on how to see results and get better with your blog, PLUS this book I read (which I’ll speak more about later on) and other things on the internet, I gained my confidence back and learned a few things…

  1. How do I ever expect to achieve a fraction of the dreams/goals I have for myself if I get discouraged and just stop altogether? I told myself that although it may be a little difficult right now, that I knew what I was capable of with my writing and reminded myself about what exactly I wanted to do and get out of this one day.

And 2. Although there may be a lot of people with similar blog themes, topic ideas, etc., no one will EVER have the exact same way of thinking, writing and/or expressing their thoughts as me. Everyone, including myself, is different in how they do things believe it or not. We may all have similar ideas, but we express them in unique ways. NO TWO PEOPLE ARE THE SAME!!

Obviously I specified these examples for my specific case with writing and my blog, but it’s equally the same with any other field as well. It’s all about finding what you’re good at, making yourself stand out from the rest somehow, and just perfecting it from there. It IS do-able!

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I mentioned earlier that there was a book I read that actually REALLY helped me gain some of my confidence back. The name of the book is “YOU ARE A BADASS; HOW TO STOP DOUBTING YOUR GREATNESS AND START LIVING AN AWESOME LIFE,” by: Jen Sincero. It’s actually a pretty popular book, so many of you may already have seen/heard of it before and I’ve actually spoken about it before in my ‘Top 5 Favorite Motivational Books’ post (which I’ll leave linked here if you guys wanted to check it out), but if you haven’t, I HIGHLY recommend that you pick it up.

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Just based off of the title alone, I think it’s self-explanatory, but it really is a great and super-relatable book. Anyone that’s read it before I’m sure can vouch for that. It’s also not a complicated book at all, in fact, it’s full of quotes, examples and personal stories from the author that really help to break it down for anyone that may be lacking the confidence in themselves to succeed and conquer their dream(s).

I’m attaching the link for you guys here to be able to purchase it. I also am posting a snippet of it for you guys to determine for sure if you’d be interested and want to actually buy it.

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Rome wasn’t built in a day and hard-work never goes unnoticed (believe it or not). Believe in yourself, keep working hard no matter what and own the shit out of whatever it is that you’re most passionate about and want to do and watch the positive outcome for it happen sooner rather than later.

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I hope this was helpful to someone out there to some extent, if not I hope you at least thought it was an interesting read. Thank you guys so much for taking the time out to actually read my stuff. Please follow, like, share and comment, and I’ll see you guys in my next post!

-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤

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“Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind…,” You Know The Rest, Right?

Hi Guys! It’s been kind of a long time since the last time I posted anything, since last year actually, and I’m sorry about that, but there’s just been a lot going on lately. Between work, the gym, and other things going on on the side, it’s been a lot and I’ve been exhausted. But I’m back to posting (hopefully) regularly again and I can’t wait for you guys to see my next couple of posts! So let’s get started! 🙂

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Being in a relationship with someone you actually love and care about can be such a beautiful thing. You have someone that’s always going to be there for you, someone you can always talk to, someone you can laugh and be silly with all the time, and someone you can just be your full and complete self with. That’s always the hope anyway. But it’s no secret that in this day and age it’s almost ten times more difficult to find and/or be in a relationship with someone who completely and honestly reciprocates their feelings for you as you do for them. It’s a shame that that’s how things are, but it is what it is I guess.

That being said, I came with these sort of “tips” so to speak, that I think work really well when it comes to being in a relationship. And by no means am I in any way, shape, or form a relationship expert or trying to be one, so as always, when it comes to my posts I can and will only be going off of my personal experiences. And these are definitely things that I think I can say my boyfriend and I follow and are things that have worked really well for us throughout our relationship. And hey, we’ve been together almost 4 years now so I’m thinking it’s working well for us, and could possible work for you too.

(And no, I’m not trying to say or make it seem like we have “the perfect relationship” because we most definitely do not, but we’re happy and always manage to make things work by doing a lot of these things.)

Also, I am fully aware that everyone does things differently and/or in their own way, so the things I’m going to mention are not in any way groundbreaking or that 100% work for everyone. But they are suggestions and things that I have found work really well for us so I figure why not share them?

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I feel like something that is EXTREMELY important in a relationship and anything really is putting yourself first. That’s the key to happiness. And not in a an unhealthy and selfish type of way where all you think about is yourself and you don’t care about anyone’s feelings but your own. In a healthy, selfish way where you love yourself, know your own worth, not losing who you are just because you’re in a relationship and making sure that you are genuinely happy with yourself and that person; which brings me to my first point:

  1. Love yourself before loving someone else. I don’t fully agree with the saying “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself,” because I think it’s fully possible for it to happen, hell it’s happened to me, but I don’t recommend it. I know that sometimes you can’t control it, but you shouldn’t put yourself in the situation where you love someone else and don’t even actually love yourself because that means you’re always going to put their needs before your own, and sometimes that’s okay, but definitely not always and should not become a habit. Make sure you’re in the right mental and emotional state for yourself before you decide to take on someone else’s feelings as well.
  2. Don’t rush into anything with anyone. I feel like it’s extreme rare to see or hear that people go out on dates anymore. Date! Go out with the person a few times whether they’re full-on expensive dates or chill, simple ones to the park, because the whole point of dating isn’t where you go for the date. The point of dating is spending time with one another and actually getting to know who they are, how they are, and if this is someone you can see yourself being with for however long.
  3. Give each other space. As much as it may be great at first to see that person everyday, you need to give yourselves a little time and space away from each other to be able to miss one another a bit, especially if you guys are just dating at the moment. Obviously it would be different when you guys move in together and/or get married, but for the time being give yourselves a chance to miss each other. I know a few couples that were together for a number of years and saw each other literally EVERY SINGLE DAY for several hours a day, and it was great at first, but it just got to a point where they broke up because they got tired of each other since they were always together and never did anything apart. A little bit of space is always okay.
  4. A relationship consists of TWO people, not just one person or the other. It’s a two-way street as cliche as it may sound. Losing yourself/changing yourself just to make the other person happy because they may not like certain qualities about you is a no-no. It’s one thing to compromise with each other and help change certain bad habits about yourself and/or the other person, but it’s another thing when they may be knit-picking the smallest things to get on you about that they may dislike, because ultimately, they can’t force you to change yourself. Just as you can’t force them to change themselves. If it’s one thing that I’ve learned from previous relationships, it’s that you can’t force someone to change, no matter how bad they’re habits are or how badly you want them to. A person has got to want to change in order for it to happen. And if they really love/care about you, they will, otherwise you might just be wasting your time and energy.
  5. DO NOT publicize your business to the whole world about every little thing you go through on social media. This is pretty self-explanatory. This generation has gotten WAAAAAY too used to publicizing any little thing they go through in a relationship; if you guys break-up, if you got into an argument, if the person cheated, etc. And to an extent, I get it because you’re so upset and it’s in a really weird way like a coping and/or venting method. But it’s just not okay because 1. what happened between you two is your business, no matter how terrible it was and not everybody needs to know about it. And 2. if we’re being really real, a lot of you make yourselves look real stupid doing that because y’all end up getting back with them a few days or weeks later. And I think y’all think everyone forgets about when you completely posted about he/she cheating on you, when in actuality SO many people do not lol. Call it nosy, or whatever you want to consider it but it is what it is. A lot of people don’t forget, and then at that point you can’t tell people to mind their business or that everyone be in your business and putting they’re two sense in because you really did it to yourself from the beginning.
  6. Don’t believe everything you may hear about a person when starting a new relationship. If they’re instagram famous and you hear all these crazy things about them when they’re in a relationship, or just rumors in general about “regular” people, don’t believe it all. But also, don’t be naive and turn a blind eye to it. Just listen, take it into account and be mindful of it until you see (or don’t see these things) for yourself. Come to your own conclusions about the person, because people can be really envious and for all you know their just saying a lot of those things so that you won’t go for them and they will (that’s happened to me quiet a few times).
  7. Communication. Communication. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N!! You CANNOT have or be in a relationship without it. Talk it out, talk EVERYTHING out even if it takes hours. And if they find that annoying, boring or repetitive, well than maybe they’re not the right person for you. Communication really is key, from the biggest things to the most silly things.
  8. Support one another. Again, from the silliest things to all their hopes and dreams. If you can’t count on your significant other to love and support your aspirations, then what’s even the point of being in a relationship with them?
  9. The “Spark”- Don’t be with someone just to be with them and be able to say that you’re you in a relationship. Make sure there’s a real connection there between you two. Going for the looks will only take you so far in a relationship. If you don’t feel any real spark, then just let them go. Of course dating around and having fun is extremely important, especially when you’re young, but you also shouldn’t be wasting yours or the other person’s time.
  10. DON’T LET SOCIAL MEDIA DETERMINE HOW YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE!! Relationship goals are what YOU make them. Yes, those couples you see on social media doing outrageous things for one another are unbelievably cute sometimes, but you’re not them, and every couple is different in how they do things. Maybe you can’t afford to do things like that and vice versa with them. Maybe you guys just never thought to do certain things like that for one another, but that’s okay. It doesn’t make you guys any better or worse of a couple for not being able to. Do things that make you guys happy and always have.
  11. And finally, If you’re not meant to be in a relationship or ready for it, don’t be in one. I  know i briefly touched upon this before, but it really is true and so important. It’s not fair to the other person, and especially don’t do it just because you may feel bad for them. Just be open and honest with the person about how you feel and they should understand instead of being led on. And if they don’t, well you can’t be mad at them for that, it’s just how they feel and maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

This generation has gotten way too used to getting into a disagreement of some sort with their significant other and immediately turning to what they think is the best and/or easiest alternative which is either just breaking up, or worse, cheating. Like cut the crap, grow up, and actually talk shit out and/or work it out. That is, if you ACTUALLY  love and care about the person, otherwise don’t even bother to be honest.

A relationship takes time and effort. There’s going to be highs and lows, that’s inevitable, but how you choose to deal with those highs and lows will determine whether or not your relationship will make it. But it also shouldn’t feel like work. It shouldn’t be or feel like you’re killing yourself just to ensure that the relationship stays together. At the end of the day, although there will be lows, you should be happy and having fun with the person that you’re with, especially if you’re trying to have a real future with that person.

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That’s all I’ve got for you guys and this post today. Let me know in the comments below what you guys think about the things I mentioned and if you think I missed or left anything out.

Also let me know if there are any particular things you guys would want to see me post about in the future. Remember any and all feedback from you guys is always welcome!

-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Means No.

Being what/who you think everyone wants you to be isn’t cool, nor is following what everyone else is doing. What’s cool is saying no, sticking to your guns, and being okay with yourself about it afterwards.

I know this totally probably sounds like a cliche, mom type of post, but I have a ton of little cousins that are kids right now, some that are in Junior High School, and some that are just starting High School and College where things like peer pressure happen all the time as if it were the norm. So I guess this post is more for them and people in that age range than anything. I know they all may have parents and/or older siblings of their own to help them with things like this, but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

Peer pressure is real, and it can be a scary thing for those who aren’t as strong-willed or know how to handle things like that. Sometimes the people you least expect to pressure you into doing certain things, are the ones who not only do it the most, but do it in the most inconspicuous way that you’ll never realize it until it’s too late.

I feel like it’s a ridiculously common misconception for people to believe that peer pressure solely revolves around drinking, smoking, and/or drugs in general, but that couldn’t be more false. Peer pressure can literally be anything. Anything that YOU don’t want to or feel comfortable doing that other people (friends, or otherwise) try getting you to do, can and, most times, is definitely considered peer pressure. Whether it’s something as “simple” as these people convincing you not to check in with your parents after school like you normally would do or cutting class with them, to something as serious as someone (or people) trying to convince or force you to try hardcore drugs or have sex with someone, it’s all one in the same, and it’s all peer pressure to some degree.

I can’t tell you how many times people, old roommates, friends of my old roommates, etc., would constantly try to push me to try smoking or getting shitfaced with them every weekend. Like don’t get me wrong, I drink occasionally, have gotten drunk, smoked hookah, etc., but it’s because I’ve wanted to do it, not because I ever let anyone force me or talk me into it.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that if I say no, it’s going to be no and nothing the person/people say or do is going to change that. If anything, the more they ask and/or try to get me to do it, the more I’ll get uncomfortable, pissed off, and just straight up want nothing to do with you.

For instance, I just have no type of interest in doing/trying any kind of drugs, from the hardcore shit to the “simplest” stuff like weed. It would do nothing for me other than probably make my paranoid ass more paranoid than what I already am. Plus I’ve seen family members of mine, friends, and just people in general that I know get really fucked up mentally from THEM doing these things that they previously got pressured/talked into doing somehow or another many many moons ago, so why am I going to let other people attempt to talk me into doing those exact same things? For that? To end up like them? Yeah, no thanks.

And don’t get me wrong, some of my closest friends that were roommates, old co-workers, etc. do these things and one thing I’ve always told them, I don’t care if you smoke, drink or whatever, just don’t involve me in it if I tell you I’m not interested. It’s that simple. You do it? Cool, that’s fine, I respect and have no issue with it, so respect how I feel and just don’t bring it to me.

There’s nothing wrong with experimenting and trying some of these things (although yes, some of them are considered “bad”, but that’s besides the point). The point is, there’s a difference between doing these things because you want to and doing it because others want or are trying to get you to do it.

The word ‘No’ is a powerful word that not many people hear or take seriously anymore, especially in the day and age that we live in. And it’s a shame because it’s really gotten to a point where there are people in and around the world that if they see or hear that you tell them no about something, they will not take no for an answer and will go as far as drugging and/or raping them, if not worse (not that those things are worse, but I’m just saying).

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No means no, that’s it!!!! Don’t give in because you feel forced or want to feel like you fit in among your friends or whoever. And if you do end up doing any of these things at all, at least make sure you’re doing it because you actually want to and know what you’re getting yourself into.

Don’t let it bother you if people make fun of or tease you because you don’t want to do something. And I know that may sound cliche, and easier said than done, but it’s the truth. That’s just their way of being obnoxious to attempt to pressure you into whatever it is at the time; sadly though, many times this is what actually causes people to give in to the pressure just for the sake of shutting these people up and saying they tried it.

People will use some of the most annoying, ridiculous phrases and excuses in the book just to attempt to convince you. “What are you scared of?” “I dare you,” “What’s the big deal?” “I thought you loved me, prove it,” “Don’t be a chickenshit,” etc. etc. etc. And a lot of these I’m sure reading them will remind people of something you would hear in a movie or tv show, like who really says stuff like that? Who would actually give in to people saying those things? But it really is true. People do say dumb shit like this, and other people sadly fall into it and end up giving in.

Who cares what other people have to say? Who cares if they won’t be your friends anymore after you saying no? Who cares if your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you afterwards for you not being ready? WHO CARES? People are going to talk regardless. You’ll make new friends. And you’ll find a new boyfriend/girlfriend who loves you for who you are and respects you for your decisions and/or how you feel about things.

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It is your god-given birth right as a human being to be able to have your opinion about something and say no if you don’t agree or feel comfortable with it. Doesn’t matter how big or small, or how serious or not it may seem. If you’re not comfortable with doing something, say no, it’s okay. Don’t feel like you have to give in just for the sake of fitting in and having friends, or being considered “cool.” You shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone (in that aspect or any really) in order for them to be your friend or accepted in general. If they’re your REAL friend and REALLY love/care about you, they’re going to be your friend and respect you more because you said no and stuck to your decision.

Self-love and self-respect will always be more important than the acceptance of others, always remember that; because at the end of each and every day, YOU’RE the one who’s going to have to go to bed and live with the decisions/consequences that you created, not them.

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-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤