Confidence Is Key

You guys, if there’s any 2 things that I can take away from 2018 thus far, it’s that 1. if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will and 2. confidence is EVERYTHING.

2 majorly important things, that which are not at all easy to achieve for some. In fact, for some (many…..most?), these 2 things are things that take YEARS to master.

You need to believe in yourself in order for other people to, and not in a “you have to please and/or prove anything” to them type of way, but more of in a “oh he/she is not only serious about what it is they’re doing, but they’re also owning the heck out of it,” sort of way. There’s a major difference.

I’ve learned that doing that (along with your actual work obviously) is going to end up not only attracting more people to you as a person, but also whatever work it is that you’re trying to put out there to the world.

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As I said, I’m fully aware that confidence like this doesn’t happen overnight, in fact, it’s something that may take YEARS for you or anyone to perfect, but that’s okay.

People are going to talk regardless if you’re succeeding or failing at whatever it is that you want to do with your life. There are ALWAYS going to be haters, critics, and people who just generally don’t care about the work you’re putting out into the world. Which, for a long time it’s going to suck to see, but as long as YOU know that you’re working hard and being the best version of you and your work possible, that is ALL that should truly matter.

Although most times it’s easier said than done, you need to do your best to ignore any and all negativity that may be blocking you from doing your best work. Being insecure about putting yourself out there and receiving negative or no feedback at all can be REALLY discouraging, that’s normal, but you can’t just let those feelings take over and win.

Take those feelings and use them as motivation to add fuel to your fire to want to do TEN TIMES better than you were before, because if you keep trying your hardest to put that all aside and putting your best work out there, I promise that slowly but surely you will begin to see results.

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I’m not an expert, and I’m obviously still learning with each day that passes, but I’ve dealt with this SO many times, so speaking from experience, take it from me. I’ve been doing this blogging thing for a little over a year now, and similar to doing YouTube, sometimes it gets REALLY hard, harder than people may think. That’s because there are so many bloggers out here trying to make it and trying to do what I’m doing that it gets discouraging to see sometimes when I don’t get likes, views, comments or followers on my post.

I used to take it SO hard, to the point where it would stop me from wanting to write altogether, and don’t get me wrong, every once in a while it still happens, but after reading various bloggers’ advice/tips on how to see results and get better with your blog, PLUS this book I read (which I’ll speak more about later on) and other things on the internet, I gained my confidence back and learned a few things…

  1. How do I ever expect to achieve a fraction of the dreams/goals I have for myself if I get discouraged and just stop altogether? I told myself that although it may be a little difficult right now, that I knew what I was capable of with my writing and reminded myself about what exactly I wanted to do and get out of this one day.

And 2. Although there may be a lot of people with similar blog themes, topic ideas, etc., no one will EVER have the exact same way of thinking, writing and/or expressing their thoughts as me. Everyone, including myself, is different in how they do things believe it or not. We may all have similar ideas, but we express them in unique ways. NO TWO PEOPLE ARE THE SAME!!

Obviously I specified these examples for my specific case with writing and my blog, but it’s equally the same with any other field as well. It’s all about finding what you’re good at, making yourself stand out from the rest somehow, and just perfecting it from there. It IS do-able!

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I mentioned earlier that there was a book I read that actually REALLY helped me gain some of my confidence back. The name of the book is “YOU ARE A BADASS; HOW TO STOP DOUBTING YOUR GREATNESS AND START LIVING AN AWESOME LIFE,” by: Jen Sincero. It’s actually a pretty popular book, so many of you may already have seen/heard of it before and I’ve actually spoken about it before in my ‘Top 5 Favorite Motivational Books’ post (which I’ll leave linked here if you guys wanted to check it out), but if you haven’t, I HIGHLY recommend that you pick it up.

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Just based off of the title alone, I think it’s self-explanatory, but it really is a great and super-relatable book. Anyone that’s read it before I’m sure can vouch for that. It’s also not a complicated book at all, in fact, it’s full of quotes, examples and personal stories from the author that really help to break it down for anyone that may be lacking the confidence in themselves to succeed and conquer their dream(s).

I’m attaching the link for you guys here to be able to purchase it. I also am posting a snippet of it for you guys to determine for sure if you’d be interested and want to actually buy it.

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Rome wasn’t built in a day and hard-work never goes unnoticed (believe it or not). Believe in yourself, keep working hard no matter what and own the shit out of whatever it is that you’re most passionate about and want to do and watch the positive outcome for it happen sooner rather than later.

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I hope this was helpful to someone out there to some extent, if not I hope you at least thought it was an interesting read. Thank you guys so much for taking the time out to actually read my stuff. Please follow, like, share and comment, and I’ll see you guys in my next post!

-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤

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Social Media Parents

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Hey everyone! Today’s post is going to be somewhat of a random rambles post. It’s something that I’ve been seeing way too much of recently, and I feel like it’s just something that I want to address and give my thoughts on, you know?

It’s the topic of parents who don’t really know what it is to be a REAL parent, but on social media try to flaunt their kids and such as if they were the number one parent(s) in the world.

Now, minor PSAS before we begin:

1. I don’t have kids of my own, so obviously I don’t fully know what it is to be a parent; being a teacher was probably the closest thing I’ve come to know what that feels like, and even than I’m sure most people would tell me that that wouldn’t even come close to the actual thing. HOWEVER, I do have common sense and know right from wrong, and know the things I will address in a bit are NOT the proper ways to raise kids or things parents in general should just not be doing once they become a parent.

2. If at any time someone or a number of people read this post and get offended/think I’m subbing them at all or anything, save yourself the aggravation of approaching me about it, because I’m not speaking about any one person in particular, but hey if the shoe fits wear it right? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let’s get started with the post now….

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Recently I’ve seen way too many “parents” that are in their late 20s or 30s that have kids, several at that, and instead of worrying about them and whether or not they’re good, are out here partying, jumping from relationship to relationship, and posting their business on social media more than teenagers and/or young adults are.

These are the kinds of things I see:

  1. Going out and partying every single weekend, instead of staying home and actually being with their kids.
  2. Jumping from relationship to relationship, acting like a teenager in love and putting their significant other (who isn’t even the father of their kids the majority of the time) before their kids.
  3. Constantly publicizing their petty drama/issues with themselves, their baby-fathers, etc., on all social media platforms, THEN obviously looking for pity or for other people to “be on their side” about these things as if any of them actually care.
  4.  Trying to be/act younger than what they actually are by constantly partying, taking seductive pictures/videos (i.e. constantly showing off their asses, wearing too tight pieces of clothing, twerking, etc.) and posting it online.
  5. Constantly disrupting the lives of the people around them (though they would probably never admit it), to drop their kids off to stay with them on a regular basis; which, as a result, the kids are living extremely unstable lives.
  6. Rarely ever seeing their kids, but the few times they do, they just constantly spoil them/give them any little thing they want as a way to shut them up.

I’m sure there are a ton of other things, but I’d like to say these are the biggest and most common ones that I see.

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I think what’s even more crazy is how the majority of these things that I see are coming from the mother’s. I don’t know, it really is messed up how majority of people in the world always tend to get on the fathers, and how they never do what they have to do for themselves or their kids, and they’re always the one to mess up. But no one ever really talks about the messed up mothers in the world. Now, don’t get me wrong, of course there are fathers out there who really don’t do shit for their kids and mess up more times than anyone can count, and I’m not defending them in ANY way; but I think it’s about time people stop putting all the blame on them, and realize that parenting is a two-way street, and a lot of mothers are messing up just as badly as the fathers, if not worse at times.

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Now, I feel like a lot of people (in particular young parents, or those parents that had kids at a very young age), feel as though they are or were missing out in being able to go out, date and such in their youth. And to an extent, I do agree, having a baby at a young age means you’re forced to pretty much drop everything that you would normally do (or want to do) for far more important responsibilities. But because of this, I’ve seen that many of these people who had kids young and had to give all that stuff up, feel the need to like lash out when they get older and do all of the things they didn’t get to do, at the age they are now which is late 20s-early 30s; which causes them to forget about their kids to a certain extent and abandon all of these responsibilities, just for the sake of being able to go out and do what they want. Not realizing that you don’t have to give it all up altogether when you’re younger, you just have to attempt to manage your time better and remember that THEY come first; they ALWAYS should come first.

It’s one thing to let loose a bit and have fun sometimes, but it becomes a bit excessive when it ends up happening all the time, every single weekend, and you barely spend time with your kids. Instead of putting partying and relationships first, realize that the majority of that should be going out the window anyway because it becomes all about them at that point, that’s what a good, RESPONSIBLE parent does. Now that might sound like a bit of a contradiction, but overall it’s about finding balance. And that probably sounds a hell of a lot easier said than done, but it’s the price to pay (so to speak) for having kids young, or just having kids in general, at any age.

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How can one have kids and be “so in love with them” (according to social media), but are almost never with them and/or spending time with them? And when I say spending time with them, I mean that as in more than just an hour or two whenever THEY (the parent) feels like it. It’s actually sad to see how often parents can do that, barely see their kids, but yet find and post all of these pictures of their kids on social media as if they’re with them everyday, when their kids would be lucky if they get to see them once or even twice a week.

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Let’s talk about jumping from relationship to relationship…..

Just to get it out in the open right now, it’s disgusting, especially for a mother/father of several kids. I understand everyone has a right to date and be happy/find “the one”, but if you keep doing it back to back and going through the same old drama with them all, that just makes you look like you’re hoeing around and for a parent, that’s disgusting and not at all okay.

As well as for the kids, it’s bad enough they don’t/won’t see you because of your already lame ass excuses, but now your adding meaningless relationships in the mix and always introducing your kids to them; that’s just going to make them confused and feel more unstable than what they probably already are. And the excuse that “but they like them, they get along so well,” they’re kids of course they’re going to like anyone that’s nice to them and buys them candy and what not. They also don’t even fully understand who they are; to them 9 times out of 10, Joe Shmoe is just a friend to mommy or daddy.

Stop sleeping around and think about the emotional damage you’re doing to your kids!!!!

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Not only do these parents never see their kids and constantly lie to the world by putting up pictures of them everyday as if they were with them; but they’re also posting memes, long statuses, etc., about all the drama and bullshit they go through. Like what, why??? Why do you want to publicize that your baby daddy cheated on you, beat you, and left you for another woman? Why do you want to publicize that that SAME woman is trying to beef with you and stir up unnecessary drama? Why do you want to publicize that you’re going through a lot of shit right now with your health, financially, or whatever detail for detail? FOR WHAT? You want the entire world to know everything you’re going through and how your life is a world of shit right now FOR WHAT? A pity party? For everyone to comment on your stuff like “fuck that nigga!,” “Fuck that bitch!,” “You deserve better!,” “oh my god are you okay?!” “Prayers to you and everything you’re going through!” “let me know if you ever need someone to talk to!”

NO! Shut up, half those people that are commenting probably don’t even actually care about what you’re going through, majority of them are probably laughing at you and making fun of you and everything you’re dealing with. Some, if not most, of these things should be kept private; because then later on you’re going to come back and start posting about how you have lurkers and all these people just want to know your business….no smartass, you did that to yourself!What it’s called is you being an attention seeker, and it’s not cute, worry about bettering yourself and your kids instead of what you’re going to post on social media and who’s going to see it.

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Not only are these parents posting all of their petty drama on social media as if everyone cares, but then they’re also giving other reasons for people to laugh, judge, and talk shit about them; like posting provocative pictures and or videos of themselves on all of these social media platforms. Now, I’m not talking about simple pictures of a mom or dad at a club with a drink in their hand, I’m talking about things like nearly naked pictures of themselves at the beach, pictures of them clearly going out of their way to make sure you’re focusing on their asses when you see it, videos of them shitfaced, and/or videos of them twerking (again I’m sure there’s a ton of others, but these are things that popped into my head first).

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Now, let’s make clear that for something like going to the beach, yes obviously you’re in a bathing suit, it’s going to expose you and what not, BUUUT, it gets to a point where it’s like okay, you’re clearly going out of your way to sexualize yourself in these pictures so that people can automatically just focus on your boobs or ass or any other sexual part of your body. Is it okay to be proud of your body, especially women after having kids? Hell, yeah of course! But you can tell the difference between people who are doing that, and others who are downright just looking for attention from their followers.

Similarly with going out to a club or lounge and posting that you’re off the shits with your friends or whoever; it’s fine to have a good time and have a few drinks, but posting that you’re getting shitfaced and all the dumb shit you do while you’re like that??? What do you think grandma and grandpa or whoever the hell it is you left your kids with for the bajillionth time is going to say in an attempt to explain to them what mommy/daddy is doing or where you’re at? Especially since in the day and age that we live in most kids by the age of about 10 already freakin’ have Snapchat and Instagram, and I’m pretty sure they have their parents on these things, so they’re seeing everything you do and post.

You’re not 18 anymore! It just gets to a point where it’s like okay, when are you going to grow up and stop doing teenager antics? Once in a blue moon might be okay to get away with, but again when it starts happening every single weekend, don’t you think that’s a bit excessive? What type of example exactly are you showing your kids? That it’s okay to go out and get shitfaced every weekend because you had “a long week,” and feel like “you deserve it,”? No, because that’s when you’ll start complaining about “oh my god I have all these bills,” “oh my god I’m struggling so much financially,” maybe if you weren’t going out all the time partying and drinking you would have enough money to get by. How about you save all of that time and money you’re always wasting, and spend it with your kids; spend time with THEM, take THEM out, and do fun things with THEM.

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These “parents”, if you even want to consider them that, are not only being selfish so that they could do whatever they want and not putting their kids first, but they’re also being selfish by dumping all of their problems and baggage on other people; specifically their parents (who are the grandparents of their kids) the majority of the time.

Now, I don’t know about everyone else, but the grandparents that I know about and have in mind are not SUPER old, but they are old enough to where they should not be having to do all of this all over again. Most of these grandparents are in their 50s, 60s, or 70s, where they should be just living the life and relaxing because they did their time already. They did everything they had to, they worked the majority of their life to support their own kids, they took care of their kids, they lived their lives, now they deserve to just relax and not have a care in the world.

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But what’s happening now?

You’re forcing them to go out of THEIR way to take care of YOUR kids, and deal with all of YOUR issues. Yes, I’m sure they love them with all of their heart and would do anything for them, so they would probably never admit that their tired or need a break, but you being their child, and having your own kids now should have the common sense and decency to say, “you know what, I’m not going to put my mom and dad through that, it’s time for me to step up.” People don’t realize that yes of course it’s fine to leave your kids at grandma and grandpa’s house for quality time once or twice a week, that’s normal, that’s fair, but when it gets to them staying at their house for an entire week or weeks, that’s when it’s a problem. That’s when you’re being selfish. And that’s when they’re not even your kids anymore, those kids belong to your mom and dad now because they obviously love and care for them more than you do.

What’s even worse is that because your parents love their grandkids so much, and you know your kids love them so much, you begin to take advantage of that love. And think “well they all like it anyway, they’re willing to stay at grandma and grandpa’s house, and grandma and grandpa are willing to keep them and take care of them, so why not? Who cares?” Umm NO! THAT IS NOT RIGHT OR OKAY!!!!

Needing the extra help or a little break during the weekend is completely okay, once in a while, especially if the grandparents are up for it, but if you’re just using and abusing them so that you don’t have to step up as a parent and deal with you kids, that’s bullshit and you should know that. All these things are mistakes that YOU made in your life, not them. There’s no reason why they should be dealing or putting up with your bullshit.

Not only are you hurting your kids, but you’re also hurting and taking advantage of the people around you which is not at all right. People really do not realize that it’s one thing to ask for and accept help from others, but it’s a completely different thing to take advantage of that help and over-step your welcome. Even if they may not or ever say anything to you about it, it would be common courtesy to not impose on them and take that burden away from them.

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I’m sure reading this entire post I sound really upset as if this is happening to me, which it’s not, but it’s happening to SO many people that I know and it’s just not right. These people keep making the same mistakes over and over again and it’s just like, when exactly are you going to learn from them and not do them anymore? They sulk about the same shit happening to them all the time but never actually do anything to even try fixing their situation. It really is true what people say, the first few times are mistakes, but after the like hundredth time it’s a choice you’re making to keep putting yourself through it.

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How do you even feel bad for someone or people that keep doing it to themselves and make no type of effort to help themselves? You don’t or can’t, there’s just no way to, and I refuse to feel bad for people like that anymore.

The saddest part isn’t even what they go through, because I could care less about their petty bullshit; the saddest part is how much the kids do and will suffer from all of it in the future. That, and also some people are so willing to just toss their kids to the next person. My question still remains, how can you be so in love with your kids, but never actually see or spend time with them?

The kids will always be the ones to suffer in the long run because of the choices you thought were okay to make. I really don’t think people realize the mental and emotional damage they do to their kids when they do a lot of these things which is sad in itself, because by the time they realize it, it’ll probably be too late to do anything to help them.

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Half of your guys kids are young, but you have no idea how smart they are and how much they actually know about everything that goes on with you. I’ve spoken to some of these poor kids, and if people could only hear HALF of the stuff that I have, they’d probably be in tears to be honest. Some of them are scared of their parent(s), some of them already have a certain amount of hatred for them; it’s heartbreaking because over the years that’s only going to intensify, but what can I do? I’m not their parent. I can only ever do and say so much to them…..

All that I truly know is that if and when I ever have kids, I’m sure there will be times where they drive me crazy and when I’ll need a break, I’m not denying or trying to downplay that in ANY way, but I’ll ALWAYS know that they would be MY responsibility, because I had them; not my mom, dad, brother, aunt, uncle, grandparents, friends, etc., I had them, it would be my choice and responsibility.

I also know a lot of these kids weren’t even planned, if we’re being honest, they just kind of happened. And I know it’s in no way, shape, or form easy to be a parent, but news flash, it’s the price to pay for opening your legs and having unprotected sex. Now you have to just suck it up, keep it moving, and take care of the little person/people that you created and chose to keep, because that’s all that really matters now, THEY’RE ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS NOW.

Grow the fuck up and think about that the next you want to be selfish and only think about yourself.

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-Leo Girl🙏🏼