Battle of The Sexes: Relationships

Hey Guys!! It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these kinds of posts, but we’re finally back at it and I’m really excited for it 😀 ! So this post is going to be done with a good friend of mine who I’ve known for YEARS named Ralph, (@king__ralph if you want to check out his page on Instagram) say hi to him through the screen or go introduce yourself and show his IG some love!

I thought this topic would be a good one for us to discuss because we’re constantly talking about things like this among ourselves, and he tends to ask for peoples’ opinions on some of these questions on his social media, so I figure it was a good choice.

I’m going to be doing this the same way I did it the first time, which is asking a series of questions, and we’ll both be answering them individually, giving our input on the question/scenario. So let’s get started! 🙂

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For those of you that may be new to my blog and did not know, I am currently in a relationship (which we just recently made 4 years together ❤ 😀 ), so that’s what I’ll be basing a lot of my answers off of and a little on previous relationships. Ralph is not currently in a relationship, so he will be basing his answers on previous relationships and just general thoughts/feelings that he may have on the topics/questions mentioned.

  1.  Can you still be friends with the Opposite Sex?

R: I believe that it shouldn’t matter whether you’re in a relationship or not to be friends with the opposite sex. As adults, we have friendships partnerships and business partners that are of the opposite sex. From experience it’s based off who is insecure about having friends due to how the friends are and what they do for fun.

E: I think you can, I always used to be that type of girl to have more male friends then female friends because I was just able to connect with them more. HOWEVER, I used  to have issues with my partner (not my current one, in general) being able to have friends with the opposite sex because of how I’ve been burned in the past with things like that, so it definitely hindered my trust with things like that, but I think I’ve gotten a lot better with it recently, so overall I’m fine with it so long as they know their boundaries and what’s appropriate and what’s not.

2.  Are conversations with exes okay?

R: Some relationships end off on good standing, so it varies from person to person and the bonds they’ve built together. Sometimes relationships don’t work and it’s okay to be friends, but a lot of people don’t tend to understand how that works because they’ve never had that. In other cases, if it was a toxic relationship and they came to a mutual understanding that it wasn’t meant to work, than that’s it and they let it go and don’t ever speak again.

E: I agree. I really think it comes down to how things were left off and how mature the two people are, whether it was left on a good or bad note and whether you guys feel comfortable with still being able to speak to each other or not.  I’m that type that I don’t necessarily mind being able to speak to an ex once in a blue moon because whatever happened, happened. I don’t hold grudges, and I know that I’m happier now in my current relationship than I’ve ever been, but I’ve never had that kind of experience (being able to stay in contact with an ex), because some people don’t know boundaries and how to respect you or your other relationships after things have ended with them so it’s never really been able to work.

3. Should you give your significant other access to all your social media accounts and passwords to your phone?

R: I believe that a relationship should not eliminate the level of privacy that one should have. There has to be a level of trust when it comes to these social media outlets nowadays.

E: I don’t think it’s ‘necessary’ the way some people make it seem sometimes, but I also don’t mind giving it to my significant other if they asked. I have nothing to hide, so why not? But it also shouldn’t be something that the other person obsessives over all of the time. If it gets to that point that you’re obsessing over your significant others social media accounts/passwords, then maybe you just shouldn’t be with the person.

4. What time do you consider as being “disrespectful” to come back home if you’re in a relationship (like how late or not)?

R: I believe that if a couple has trust without each other and communication is good, then there shouldn’t be any issues of how late or not one should come home.

E: For me it would be anything after like midnight or 1am. Not because I don’t trust Diego or I think it’s disrespectful, but mainly because I worry about things like that a lot (worry as in for his safety and well-being, not if he’s doing anything behind my back) and I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t know that he’s at home safe or not, but he is really good with constantly texting me, keeping me updated and stuff, so that does tend to ease my mind a bit.

5. If you’re in a relationship, do you think its okay to go out of town without your spouse?

R: Yes, going back to trust, if you have a certain level of trust in your partner then that’s all that should really matter. That, and communicating whenever possible as well.

E: Diego and I were just recently talking about this to each other lol. We both agreed that it might be a little weird with not having the other around, but if it’s like a girls or guys trip then why not? We know our boundaries and if at any time we feel uncomfortable about something we’ll voice that to the other and talk it out. Communication is definitely key in a situation like that.

6. How much of your relationship issues or business you may have do you think is okay to share with family or friends? (like how much would be too much, and how much would be acceptable)

R: The amount of information you share with your family or friends is based off how close you are with them. For me, I share nothing with my family because I don’t feel like it’s important for them to know a lot about my life. Some of my close friends, like some I’ve had for 18+ years, I’ll tell them the important things even if we don’t speak every day.

E: When it comes to family I’ve learned the hard way not to say too much, because I’ve come to the harsh realization that at times they can be worse gossipers than your friends and could possibly use whatever you tell them against you later on. Some, not all, but because of those select few, I’ve learned to not say much to most family members unless I’m THAT close to you. Similar with friends, I have a really small group of friends that I consider close enough to tell things like that to, I could probably count them on both my hands.

7. Do you think a couple’s finances should be together (to some extent) or completely separated when just dating?

R: I believe that finances should vary from experience to experience because it depends on the morals of the person. There are males that wouldn’t let a woman pay for anything any time they go out, and sometimes depending on the financial circumstances, there are couples that always do it 50/50.

E: I think if you believe you’re going to be with your significant other for life, then why not? Maybe not as SOON as you guys start dating, but over time for sure. In the beginning, Diego would not let me pay for ANYTHING, literally, for like the first year of our relationship. But as time went on and I ended up getting a better paying job, I wanted to be able to treat him the way that he treated me so I would treat him, then there would be times that we would just pay for ourselves. So it’s definitely somewhere in between now, but we also tend to talk to each other about what we can and can’t do financially and ask each other’s opinions on whether or not we should spend certain amounts of money on certain things, so it works out I think.

8.  How important is physical chemistry to you?

R: Physical chemistry to me, plays a pivotal role. I believe that despite the good communication and good vibes, a balanced, good sex life is needed as well. I’m not perfect, I’m chubby but if the person is willing to accept that than I’m good with that, and vice versa.

E: I agree. I’m not going to sit here and say what a lot of people tend to say which is that ‘looks shouldn’t matter,’ because looks aren’t EVERYTHING, but they definitely do matter to some extent. As well as sexual physical chemistry, I think both types of physical chemistry are extremely important in a healthy relationship, especially more so when you’re an adult and looking to settle down. I feel like it should be the best of both worlds when you’re in a relationship, not great in one way and blah in the other.

9. If your partner had close friends with the opposite sex, how would you feel?

R: I would have to meet them all is all. I personally have 3 female best friends and that throws off a lot of females, like why do you have so many best friends? But for me, it’s important to cherish those kinds of relationships.

E: You know a few years ago, had someone asked me this question, I would’ve said I have absolutely no problem with it. But, in recent years, girls have shown me that they really cannot be trusted. The same girls that get close to your boyfriend, and try to be “cool” with you, are the exact same girls that behind your back, talk the most shit to him about you (or try to) to make you look bad. So I’m pretty iffy when it comes to things like this, and Diego knows that, but I also am not opposed to meeting them and getting a feel for them before full-on judging the friendship or whatever it is.

10. How do you think you handle fights when you’re in a relationship?

R: If you were asking the old me how I handle fights, the answer would’ve been really bad. You learn through experience how to handle arguments and what not, but if you’re asking the current me, now it’s all about talking it out and giving each other space.

E: I think it depends on the kind of fights, or like the reasoning for them. If it’s a stupid little fight, I think both Diego and I can agree that yeah we’ll both get annoyed, but we’ll be fine 5-10 minutes later. But if it’s a full-blown fight about I don’t even know what, we can both be hot heads. We’re also both really hard-headed and stubborn at times, so it might take us a bit to cool down and finally think rationally, then be able to talk whatever out sensibly and come to a common understanding, which is what usually ends up happening.

11. How do you respond when your partner is really late to meet you?

R: I would respond in the fashion of questioning whether or not they’re okay and finding out why exactly they were late; anything past that would be unreasonable.

E: It depends what he’s late for. Like if we have something planned that I’m really excited about and we have to be there (wherever) at a certain time, I’ll get SO annoyed because I’m so anxious and just want to get there already, plus don’t want to miss out on our specific reservation or time slot or whatever it is. But if it’s just that we’re going to hang out somewhere or go out to eat and we said 1pm let’s say, and end up leaving at like 2pm, it’s whatever, who cares lol. Diego on the other hand gets so annoyed with me because I take forever to do my hair and makeup even though I swear that I don’t lol.

12. Do you care to know about your partner’s past? (whether relationships, sexual or not, etc.)

R: I see it this way, a person’s past doesn’t involve you because you’re not around, which means it is none of your business unless they are willing to tell you. The only thing is that if course we should be curious to see what mistakes we shouldn’t make or do like the last person.

E: If it was before me and/or has nothing to do with me, then I don’t care. Unless it’s a bad habit you have or something that may get brought on to our relationship. But with me and Diego, that was just something we spoke about in the beginning because we were both curious about it with the other. It almost gave us a better understanding of each other in a way.

13. When do you think it’s the right time for people to meet each other’s parents/families?

R: I believe that when the relationship is serious and you both agree that this is something you want, that the parents should be met.

E: This is hard. I have absolutely no idea, and can’t even base this off of previous relationships, because my last relationship I didn’t tell them about it since I didn’t get a chance to, they kind of just saw us together and introduced themselves. And my current relationship, my parents already knew of Diego since we had went to elementary school together, and we tried to hide it for a bit just to enjoy it amongst ourselves for a while, and they ended up knowing the entire time lol and approaching us about it. So I wouldn’t be able to answer that tbh, I have no idea, I guess whenever you both feel comfortable about it.

14. Would you relocate for love?

R: It would depend on what my financial situation would look like at the time.

E: Off the top of my head, if I were to be basing it off of just love, I would say yes. But being REALISTIC about the entire thing, I would agree with Ralph, but also it would depend on a few other things with that obviously being one of the most important ones. I would also say that it would depend on where exactly they would be going? Would it be better for you/us financially and the opportunity in general? Would I be able to find work wherever it is we end up? There would be a lot to consider for it, but those would be some of the main things I think.

15. What’s the single most important thing for a relationship to be successful? (in your mind)

R: I have learned that the most important thing in a relationship that’s needed is communication. A person isn’t a mind-reader to be able to fully understand another human being. Often times things get misconstrued due to lack of communication. If one would simply verbalize their feelings in the moment instead of building it up, it would be a better environment for the relationship in general.

E: I agree. I feel like when you’re younger, you hear all of the time that communication is key in a relationship, a little too often even to the point where you almost don’t believe it. But when you grow up and start to actually have serious relationships, you see that ‘communication is key’ is 100% true. It’s the only COMPLETE way to truly understand where a person is coming from, or why they’re acting the way they do, etc. I almost feel like you can’t have a relationship WITHOUT communication realistically.

16. What would you define cheating?

R: I believed that cheating can be considered a number of things. Emotional as well as physical, also verbally based off intentions. For example, if you have any physical sexual contact with another person, that’s cheating; kissing, holding hands, etc. Verbal intent would be planning on it. Another example would be “I can’t wait to be with you later or can’t wait to fuck you”, etc. Emotional would be confiding in another male or female outside of your relationship on your relationship issues with the intention of finding solace in that person which leads to other forms of cheating.

E: Cheating is pretty much anything that you’re doing with someone else (of the opposite sex or just generally out of your relationship) that you feel like you have to lie about or hide from your significant other. If you’re meeting up with someone that you know you’re boyfriend/girlfriend would not like, it can be considered a form of cheating. If you’re texting or calling someone that you know they don’t like or wouldn’t want you to be doing that with but you’re doing it behind their back, that can be considered it too. Some may argue that this isn’t true, but to me, that’s what I would categorize cheating.

17. Do you think you’re typically likeable by your significant others’ family and friends?

R: I believe so, I often get along well and am very sociable with families and friends.

E: I’m pretty likeable when it comes to my significant others’ parents. They typically like the way I am and carry myself. Friends tend to be hit or miss, male friends I get along with quick because we joke around a lot and be dumb with each other and it’s a good time. The female friends as I mentioned earlier, are more hit or miss than anything because of their own intentions.

18. After a break-up, would you ask for your gifts back/would you give back all the gifts given?

R: They can keep them or do whatever they want with them. I bought it for them for a special reason, so it’s theirs to do what they want with it.

E: Same. The only gifts I would REALLY want back are the ones that I like made myself. Which I’ve done before, nothing crazy, but like scrapbooks and stuff because there’s been a few that i put WORK into, and they came out looking beautiful, and for one reason or another we broke up, but lowkey I wanted it back, not because of the person at all, but because of how much effort I put into it and liked how it came out SO much lol.

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So what did you guys think about this one?! Let me know in the comments down below or let us know on social media. Also, if you guys have any suggestions of topics that should or that you would want to see be covered on this segment in the future, please feel free to let me know! 🙂

-Xoxo, Leo Girl! ❤

No Means No.

Being what/who you think everyone wants you to be isn’t cool, nor is following what everyone else is doing. What’s cool is saying no, sticking to your guns, and being okay with yourself about it afterwards.

I know this totally probably sounds like a cliche, mom type of post, but I have a ton of little cousins that are kids right now, some that are in Junior High School, and some that are just starting High School and College where things like peer pressure happen all the time as if it were the norm. So I guess this post is more for them and people in that age range than anything. I know they all may have parents and/or older siblings of their own to help them with things like this, but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

Peer pressure is real, and it can be a scary thing for those who aren’t as strong-willed or know how to handle things like that. Sometimes the people you least expect to pressure you into doing certain things, are the ones who not only do it the most, but do it in the most inconspicuous way that you’ll never realize it until it’s too late.

I feel like it’s a ridiculously common misconception for people to believe that peer pressure solely revolves around drinking, smoking, and/or drugs in general, but that couldn’t be more false. Peer pressure can literally be anything. Anything that YOU don’t want to or feel comfortable doing that other people (friends, or otherwise) try getting you to do, can and, most times, is definitely considered peer pressure. Whether it’s something as “simple” as these people convincing you not to check in with your parents after school like you normally would do or cutting class with them, to something as serious as someone (or people) trying to convince or force you to try hardcore drugs or have sex with someone, it’s all one in the same, and it’s all peer pressure to some degree.

I can’t tell you how many times people, old roommates, friends of my old roommates, etc., would constantly try to push me to try smoking or getting shitfaced with them every weekend. Like don’t get me wrong, I drink occasionally, have gotten drunk, smoked hookah, etc., but it’s because I’ve wanted to do it, not because I ever let anyone force me or talk me into it.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that if I say no, it’s going to be no and nothing the person/people say or do is going to change that. If anything, the more they ask and/or try to get me to do it, the more I’ll get uncomfortable, pissed off, and just straight up want nothing to do with you.

For instance, I just have no type of interest in doing/trying any kind of drugs, from the hardcore shit to the “simplest” stuff like weed. It would do nothing for me other than probably make my paranoid ass more paranoid than what I already am. Plus I’ve seen family members of mine, friends, and just people in general that I know get really fucked up mentally from THEM doing these things that they previously got pressured/talked into doing somehow or another many many moons ago, so why am I going to let other people attempt to talk me into doing those exact same things? For that? To end up like them? Yeah, no thanks.

And don’t get me wrong, some of my closest friends that were roommates, old co-workers, etc. do these things and one thing I’ve always told them, I don’t care if you smoke, drink or whatever, just don’t involve me in it if I tell you I’m not interested. It’s that simple. You do it? Cool, that’s fine, I respect and have no issue with it, so respect how I feel and just don’t bring it to me.

There’s nothing wrong with experimenting and trying some of these things (although yes, some of them are considered “bad”, but that’s besides the point). The point is, there’s a difference between doing these things because you want to and doing it because others want or are trying to get you to do it.

The word ‘No’ is a powerful word that not many people hear or take seriously anymore, especially in the day and age that we live in. And it’s a shame because it’s really gotten to a point where there are people in and around the world that if they see or hear that you tell them no about something, they will not take no for an answer and will go as far as drugging and/or raping them, if not worse (not that those things are worse, but I’m just saying).

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No means no, that’s it!!!! Don’t give in because you feel forced or want to feel like you fit in among your friends or whoever. And if you do end up doing any of these things at all, at least make sure you’re doing it because you actually want to and know what you’re getting yourself into.

Don’t let it bother you if people make fun of or tease you because you don’t want to do something. And I know that may sound cliche, and easier said than done, but it’s the truth. That’s just their way of being obnoxious to attempt to pressure you into whatever it is at the time; sadly though, many times this is what actually causes people to give in to the pressure just for the sake of shutting these people up and saying they tried it.

People will use some of the most annoying, ridiculous phrases and excuses in the book just to attempt to convince you. “What are you scared of?” “I dare you,” “What’s the big deal?” “I thought you loved me, prove it,” “Don’t be a chickenshit,” etc. etc. etc. And a lot of these I’m sure reading them will remind people of something you would hear in a movie or tv show, like who really says stuff like that? Who would actually give in to people saying those things? But it really is true. People do say dumb shit like this, and other people sadly fall into it and end up giving in.

Who cares what other people have to say? Who cares if they won’t be your friends anymore after you saying no? Who cares if your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you afterwards for you not being ready? WHO CARES? People are going to talk regardless. You’ll make new friends. And you’ll find a new boyfriend/girlfriend who loves you for who you are and respects you for your decisions and/or how you feel about things.

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It is your god-given birth right as a human being to be able to have your opinion about something and say no if you don’t agree or feel comfortable with it. Doesn’t matter how big or small, or how serious or not it may seem. If you’re not comfortable with doing something, say no, it’s okay. Don’t feel like you have to give in just for the sake of fitting in and having friends, or being considered “cool.” You shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone (in that aspect or any really) in order for them to be your friend or accepted in general. If they’re your REAL friend and REALLY love/care about you, they’re going to be your friend and respect you more because you said no and stuck to your decision.

Self-love and self-respect will always be more important than the acceptance of others, always remember that; because at the end of each and every day, YOU’RE the one who’s going to have to go to bed and live with the decisions/consequences that you created, not them.

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-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤

 

Social Media Parents

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Hey everyone! Today’s post is going to be somewhat of a random rambles post. It’s something that I’ve been seeing way too much of recently, and I feel like it’s just something that I want to address and give my thoughts on, you know?

It’s the topic of parents who don’t really know what it is to be a REAL parent, but on social media try to flaunt their kids and such as if they were the number one parent(s) in the world.

Now, minor PSAS before we begin:

1. I don’t have kids of my own, so obviously I don’t fully know what it is to be a parent; being a teacher was probably the closest thing I’ve come to know what that feels like, and even than I’m sure most people would tell me that that wouldn’t even come close to the actual thing. HOWEVER, I do have common sense and know right from wrong, and know the things I will address in a bit are NOT the proper ways to raise kids or things parents in general should just not be doing once they become a parent.

2. If at any time someone or a number of people read this post and get offended/think I’m subbing them at all or anything, save yourself the aggravation of approaching me about it, because I’m not speaking about any one person in particular, but hey if the shoe fits wear it right? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let’s get started with the post now….

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Recently I’ve seen way too many “parents” that are in their late 20s or 30s that have kids, several at that, and instead of worrying about them and whether or not they’re good, are out here partying, jumping from relationship to relationship, and posting their business on social media more than teenagers and/or young adults are.

These are the kinds of things I see:

  1. Going out and partying every single weekend, instead of staying home and actually being with their kids.
  2. Jumping from relationship to relationship, acting like a teenager in love and putting their significant other (who isn’t even the father of their kids the majority of the time) before their kids.
  3. Constantly publicizing their petty drama/issues with themselves, their baby-fathers, etc., on all social media platforms, THEN obviously looking for pity or for other people to “be on their side” about these things as if any of them actually care.
  4.  Trying to be/act younger than what they actually are by constantly partying, taking seductive pictures/videos (i.e. constantly showing off their asses, wearing too tight pieces of clothing, twerking, etc.) and posting it online.
  5. Constantly disrupting the lives of the people around them (though they would probably never admit it), to drop their kids off to stay with them on a regular basis; which, as a result, the kids are living extremely unstable lives.
  6. Rarely ever seeing their kids, but the few times they do, they just constantly spoil them/give them any little thing they want as a way to shut them up.

I’m sure there are a ton of other things, but I’d like to say these are the biggest and most common ones that I see.

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I think what’s even more crazy is how the majority of these things that I see are coming from the mother’s. I don’t know, it really is messed up how majority of people in the world always tend to get on the fathers, and how they never do what they have to do for themselves or their kids, and they’re always the one to mess up. But no one ever really talks about the messed up mothers in the world. Now, don’t get me wrong, of course there are fathers out there who really don’t do shit for their kids and mess up more times than anyone can count, and I’m not defending them in ANY way; but I think it’s about time people stop putting all the blame on them, and realize that parenting is a two-way street, and a lot of mothers are messing up just as badly as the fathers, if not worse at times.

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Now, I feel like a lot of people (in particular young parents, or those parents that had kids at a very young age), feel as though they are or were missing out in being able to go out, date and such in their youth. And to an extent, I do agree, having a baby at a young age means you’re forced to pretty much drop everything that you would normally do (or want to do) for far more important responsibilities. But because of this, I’ve seen that many of these people who had kids young and had to give all that stuff up, feel the need to like lash out when they get older and do all of the things they didn’t get to do, at the age they are now which is late 20s-early 30s; which causes them to forget about their kids to a certain extent and abandon all of these responsibilities, just for the sake of being able to go out and do what they want. Not realizing that you don’t have to give it all up altogether when you’re younger, you just have to attempt to manage your time better and remember that THEY come first; they ALWAYS should come first.

It’s one thing to let loose a bit and have fun sometimes, but it becomes a bit excessive when it ends up happening all the time, every single weekend, and you barely spend time with your kids. Instead of putting partying and relationships first, realize that the majority of that should be going out the window anyway because it becomes all about them at that point, that’s what a good, RESPONSIBLE parent does. Now that might sound like a bit of a contradiction, but overall it’s about finding balance. And that probably sounds a hell of a lot easier said than done, but it’s the price to pay (so to speak) for having kids young, or just having kids in general, at any age.

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How can one have kids and be “so in love with them” (according to social media), but are almost never with them and/or spending time with them? And when I say spending time with them, I mean that as in more than just an hour or two whenever THEY (the parent) feels like it. It’s actually sad to see how often parents can do that, barely see their kids, but yet find and post all of these pictures of their kids on social media as if they’re with them everyday, when their kids would be lucky if they get to see them once or even twice a week.

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Let’s talk about jumping from relationship to relationship…..

Just to get it out in the open right now, it’s disgusting, especially for a mother/father of several kids. I understand everyone has a right to date and be happy/find “the one”, but if you keep doing it back to back and going through the same old drama with them all, that just makes you look like you’re hoeing around and for a parent, that’s disgusting and not at all okay.

As well as for the kids, it’s bad enough they don’t/won’t see you because of your already lame ass excuses, but now your adding meaningless relationships in the mix and always introducing your kids to them; that’s just going to make them confused and feel more unstable than what they probably already are. And the excuse that “but they like them, they get along so well,” they’re kids of course they’re going to like anyone that’s nice to them and buys them candy and what not. They also don’t even fully understand who they are; to them 9 times out of 10, Joe Shmoe is just a friend to mommy or daddy.

Stop sleeping around and think about the emotional damage you’re doing to your kids!!!!

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Not only do these parents never see their kids and constantly lie to the world by putting up pictures of them everyday as if they were with them; but they’re also posting memes, long statuses, etc., about all the drama and bullshit they go through. Like what, why??? Why do you want to publicize that your baby daddy cheated on you, beat you, and left you for another woman? Why do you want to publicize that that SAME woman is trying to beef with you and stir up unnecessary drama? Why do you want to publicize that you’re going through a lot of shit right now with your health, financially, or whatever detail for detail? FOR WHAT? You want the entire world to know everything you’re going through and how your life is a world of shit right now FOR WHAT? A pity party? For everyone to comment on your stuff like “fuck that nigga!,” “Fuck that bitch!,” “You deserve better!,” “oh my god are you okay?!” “Prayers to you and everything you’re going through!” “let me know if you ever need someone to talk to!”

NO! Shut up, half those people that are commenting probably don’t even actually care about what you’re going through, majority of them are probably laughing at you and making fun of you and everything you’re dealing with. Some, if not most, of these things should be kept private; because then later on you’re going to come back and start posting about how you have lurkers and all these people just want to know your business….no smartass, you did that to yourself!What it’s called is you being an attention seeker, and it’s not cute, worry about bettering yourself and your kids instead of what you’re going to post on social media and who’s going to see it.

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Not only are these parents posting all of their petty drama on social media as if everyone cares, but then they’re also giving other reasons for people to laugh, judge, and talk shit about them; like posting provocative pictures and or videos of themselves on all of these social media platforms. Now, I’m not talking about simple pictures of a mom or dad at a club with a drink in their hand, I’m talking about things like nearly naked pictures of themselves at the beach, pictures of them clearly going out of their way to make sure you’re focusing on their asses when you see it, videos of them shitfaced, and/or videos of them twerking (again I’m sure there’s a ton of others, but these are things that popped into my head first).

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Now, let’s make clear that for something like going to the beach, yes obviously you’re in a bathing suit, it’s going to expose you and what not, BUUUT, it gets to a point where it’s like okay, you’re clearly going out of your way to sexualize yourself in these pictures so that people can automatically just focus on your boobs or ass or any other sexual part of your body. Is it okay to be proud of your body, especially women after having kids? Hell, yeah of course! But you can tell the difference between people who are doing that, and others who are downright just looking for attention from their followers.

Similarly with going out to a club or lounge and posting that you’re off the shits with your friends or whoever; it’s fine to have a good time and have a few drinks, but posting that you’re getting shitfaced and all the dumb shit you do while you’re like that??? What do you think grandma and grandpa or whoever the hell it is you left your kids with for the bajillionth time is going to say in an attempt to explain to them what mommy/daddy is doing or where you’re at? Especially since in the day and age that we live in most kids by the age of about 10 already freakin’ have Snapchat and Instagram, and I’m pretty sure they have their parents on these things, so they’re seeing everything you do and post.

You’re not 18 anymore! It just gets to a point where it’s like okay, when are you going to grow up and stop doing teenager antics? Once in a blue moon might be okay to get away with, but again when it starts happening every single weekend, don’t you think that’s a bit excessive? What type of example exactly are you showing your kids? That it’s okay to go out and get shitfaced every weekend because you had “a long week,” and feel like “you deserve it,”? No, because that’s when you’ll start complaining about “oh my god I have all these bills,” “oh my god I’m struggling so much financially,” maybe if you weren’t going out all the time partying and drinking you would have enough money to get by. How about you save all of that time and money you’re always wasting, and spend it with your kids; spend time with THEM, take THEM out, and do fun things with THEM.

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These “parents”, if you even want to consider them that, are not only being selfish so that they could do whatever they want and not putting their kids first, but they’re also being selfish by dumping all of their problems and baggage on other people; specifically their parents (who are the grandparents of their kids) the majority of the time.

Now, I don’t know about everyone else, but the grandparents that I know about and have in mind are not SUPER old, but they are old enough to where they should not be having to do all of this all over again. Most of these grandparents are in their 50s, 60s, or 70s, where they should be just living the life and relaxing because they did their time already. They did everything they had to, they worked the majority of their life to support their own kids, they took care of their kids, they lived their lives, now they deserve to just relax and not have a care in the world.

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But what’s happening now?

You’re forcing them to go out of THEIR way to take care of YOUR kids, and deal with all of YOUR issues. Yes, I’m sure they love them with all of their heart and would do anything for them, so they would probably never admit that their tired or need a break, but you being their child, and having your own kids now should have the common sense and decency to say, “you know what, I’m not going to put my mom and dad through that, it’s time for me to step up.” People don’t realize that yes of course it’s fine to leave your kids at grandma and grandpa’s house for quality time once or twice a week, that’s normal, that’s fair, but when it gets to them staying at their house for an entire week or weeks, that’s when it’s a problem. That’s when you’re being selfish. And that’s when they’re not even your kids anymore, those kids belong to your mom and dad now because they obviously love and care for them more than you do.

What’s even worse is that because your parents love their grandkids so much, and you know your kids love them so much, you begin to take advantage of that love. And think “well they all like it anyway, they’re willing to stay at grandma and grandpa’s house, and grandma and grandpa are willing to keep them and take care of them, so why not? Who cares?” Umm NO! THAT IS NOT RIGHT OR OKAY!!!!

Needing the extra help or a little break during the weekend is completely okay, once in a while, especially if the grandparents are up for it, but if you’re just using and abusing them so that you don’t have to step up as a parent and deal with you kids, that’s bullshit and you should know that. All these things are mistakes that YOU made in your life, not them. There’s no reason why they should be dealing or putting up with your bullshit.

Not only are you hurting your kids, but you’re also hurting and taking advantage of the people around you which is not at all right. People really do not realize that it’s one thing to ask for and accept help from others, but it’s a completely different thing to take advantage of that help and over-step your welcome. Even if they may not or ever say anything to you about it, it would be common courtesy to not impose on them and take that burden away from them.

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I’m sure reading this entire post I sound really upset as if this is happening to me, which it’s not, but it’s happening to SO many people that I know and it’s just not right. These people keep making the same mistakes over and over again and it’s just like, when exactly are you going to learn from them and not do them anymore? They sulk about the same shit happening to them all the time but never actually do anything to even try fixing their situation. It really is true what people say, the first few times are mistakes, but after the like hundredth time it’s a choice you’re making to keep putting yourself through it.

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How do you even feel bad for someone or people that keep doing it to themselves and make no type of effort to help themselves? You don’t or can’t, there’s just no way to, and I refuse to feel bad for people like that anymore.

The saddest part isn’t even what they go through, because I could care less about their petty bullshit; the saddest part is how much the kids do and will suffer from all of it in the future. That, and also some people are so willing to just toss their kids to the next person. My question still remains, how can you be so in love with your kids, but never actually see or spend time with them?

The kids will always be the ones to suffer in the long run because of the choices you thought were okay to make. I really don’t think people realize the mental and emotional damage they do to their kids when they do a lot of these things which is sad in itself, because by the time they realize it, it’ll probably be too late to do anything to help them.

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Half of your guys kids are young, but you have no idea how smart they are and how much they actually know about everything that goes on with you. I’ve spoken to some of these poor kids, and if people could only hear HALF of the stuff that I have, they’d probably be in tears to be honest. Some of them are scared of their parent(s), some of them already have a certain amount of hatred for them; it’s heartbreaking because over the years that’s only going to intensify, but what can I do? I’m not their parent. I can only ever do and say so much to them…..

All that I truly know is that if and when I ever have kids, I’m sure there will be times where they drive me crazy and when I’ll need a break, I’m not denying or trying to downplay that in ANY way, but I’ll ALWAYS know that they would be MY responsibility, because I had them; not my mom, dad, brother, aunt, uncle, grandparents, friends, etc., I had them, it would be my choice and responsibility.

I also know a lot of these kids weren’t even planned, if we’re being honest, they just kind of happened. And I know it’s in no way, shape, or form easy to be a parent, but news flash, it’s the price to pay for opening your legs and having unprotected sex. Now you have to just suck it up, keep it moving, and take care of the little person/people that you created and chose to keep, because that’s all that really matters now, THEY’RE ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS NOW.

Grow the fuck up and think about that the next you want to be selfish and only think about yourself.

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-Leo Girl🙏🏼