I Don’t Know Who Needs To Hear This But….

You are not alone.

I know that feeling. I know how it feels to feel like you have to deal with your demons silently. I know how it feels to feel like you can’t even turn to your own family. I know how it feels to not even want to turn to your closest friends or significant other for fear of feeling like a burden. I know how it feels to feel like you have no one. I know how it feels to feel like you’re stuck and have no options.

I know that place, and it freakin’ sucks to be in it.

That being said, I don’t care if I don’t know you, I don’t care if you think I may not like you, I don’t even care if we’ve had “issues” in the past. If you’re seriously struggling internally and feel like you’ve got nowhere to go and no one to speak to, I will be “someone” for you. I will be there for you if you want and/or need it.

If I can be of some type of help to you, or just someone to speak to for the day to clear your mind and thoughts, or be that ‘shoulder to cry on,’ I will be that.

Please reach out. I promise you, someone will care and want to listen. I promise that you won’t actually have to go through anything alone.

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Stay Strong.

-Xoxo, Emily ❤

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“Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind…,” You Know The Rest, Right?

Hi Guys! It’s been kind of a long time since the last time I posted anything, since last year actually, and I’m sorry about that, but there’s just been a lot going on lately. Between work, the gym, and other things going on on the side, it’s been a lot and I’ve been exhausted. But I’m back to posting (hopefully) regularly again and I can’t wait for you guys to see my next couple of posts! So let’s get started! 🙂

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Being in a relationship with someone you actually love and care about can be such a beautiful thing. You have someone that’s always going to be there for you, someone you can always talk to, someone you can laugh and be silly with all the time, and someone you can just be your full and complete self with. That’s always the hope anyway. But it’s no secret that in this day and age it’s almost ten times more difficult to find and/or be in a relationship with someone who completely and honestly reciprocates their feelings for you as you do for them. It’s a shame that that’s how things are, but it is what it is I guess.

That being said, I came with these sort of “tips” so to speak, that I think work really well when it comes to being in a relationship. And by no means am I in any way, shape, or form a relationship expert or trying to be one, so as always, when it comes to my posts I can and will only be going off of my personal experiences. And these are definitely things that I think I can say my boyfriend and I follow and are things that have worked really well for us throughout our relationship. And hey, we’ve been together almost 4 years now so I’m thinking it’s working well for us, and could possible work for you too.

(And no, I’m not trying to say or make it seem like we have “the perfect relationship” because we most definitely do not, but we’re happy and always manage to make things work by doing a lot of these things.)

Also, I am fully aware that everyone does things differently and/or in their own way, so the things I’m going to mention are not in any way groundbreaking or that 100% work for everyone. But they are suggestions and things that I have found work really well for us so I figure why not share them?

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I feel like something that is EXTREMELY important in a relationship and anything really is putting yourself first. That’s the key to happiness. And not in a an unhealthy and selfish type of way where all you think about is yourself and you don’t care about anyone’s feelings but your own. In a healthy, selfish way where you love yourself, know your own worth, not losing who you are just because you’re in a relationship and making sure that you are genuinely happy with yourself and that person; which brings me to my first point:

  1. Love yourself before loving someone else. I don’t fully agree with the saying “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself,” because I think it’s fully possible for it to happen, hell it’s happened to me, but I don’t recommend it. I know that sometimes you can’t control it, but you shouldn’t put yourself in the situation where you love someone else and don’t even actually love yourself because that means you’re always going to put their needs before your own, and sometimes that’s okay, but definitely not always and should not become a habit. Make sure you’re in the right mental and emotional state for yourself before you decide to take on someone else’s feelings as well.
  2. Don’t rush into anything with anyone. I feel like it’s extreme rare to see or hear that people go out on dates anymore. Date! Go out with the person a few times whether they’re full-on expensive dates or chill, simple ones to the park, because the whole point of dating isn’t where you go for the date. The point of dating is spending time with one another and actually getting to know who they are, how they are, and if this is someone you can see yourself being with for however long.
  3. Give each other space. As much as it may be great at first to see that person everyday, you need to give yourselves a little time and space away from each other to be able to miss one another a bit, especially if you guys are just dating at the moment. Obviously it would be different when you guys move in together and/or get married, but for the time being give yourselves a chance to miss each other. I know a few couples that were together for a number of years and saw each other literally EVERY SINGLE DAY for several hours a day, and it was great at first, but it just got to a point where they broke up because they got tired of each other since they were always together and never did anything apart. A little bit of space is always okay.
  4. A relationship consists of TWO people, not just one person or the other. It’s a two-way street as cliche as it may sound. Losing yourself/changing yourself just to make the other person happy because they may not like certain qualities about you is a no-no. It’s one thing to compromise with each other and help change certain bad habits about yourself and/or the other person, but it’s another thing when they may be knit-picking the smallest things to get on you about that they may dislike, because ultimately, they can’t force you to change yourself. Just as you can’t force them to change themselves. If it’s one thing that I’ve learned from previous relationships, it’s that you can’t force someone to change, no matter how bad they’re habits are or how badly you want them to. A person has got to want to change in order for it to happen. And if they really love/care about you, they will, otherwise you might just be wasting your time and energy.
  5. DO NOT publicize your business to the whole world about every little thing you go through on social media. This is pretty self-explanatory. This generation has gotten WAAAAAY too used to publicizing any little thing they go through in a relationship; if you guys break-up, if you got into an argument, if the person cheated, etc. And to an extent, I get it because you’re so upset and it’s in a really weird way like a coping and/or venting method. But it’s just not okay because 1. what happened between you two is your business, no matter how terrible it was and not everybody needs to know about it. And 2. if we’re being really real, a lot of you make yourselves look real stupid doing that because y’all end up getting back with them a few days or weeks later. And I think y’all think everyone forgets about when you completely posted about he/she cheating on you, when in actuality SO many people do not lol. Call it nosy, or whatever you want to consider it but it is what it is. A lot of people don’t forget, and then at that point you can’t tell people to mind their business or that everyone be in your business and putting they’re two sense in because you really did it to yourself from the beginning.
  6. Don’t believe everything you may hear about a person when starting a new relationship. If they’re instagram famous and you hear all these crazy things about them when they’re in a relationship, or just rumors in general about “regular” people, don’t believe it all. But also, don’t be naive and turn a blind eye to it. Just listen, take it into account and be mindful of it until you see (or don’t see these things) for yourself. Come to your own conclusions about the person, because people can be really envious and for all you know their just saying a lot of those things so that you won’t go for them and they will (that’s happened to me quiet a few times).
  7. Communication. Communication. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N!! You CANNOT have or be in a relationship without it. Talk it out, talk EVERYTHING out even if it takes hours. And if they find that annoying, boring or repetitive, well than maybe they’re not the right person for you. Communication really is key, from the biggest things to the most silly things.
  8. Support one another. Again, from the silliest things to all their hopes and dreams. If you can’t count on your significant other to love and support your aspirations, then what’s even the point of being in a relationship with them?
  9. The “Spark”- Don’t be with someone just to be with them and be able to say that you’re you in a relationship. Make sure there’s a real connection there between you two. Going for the looks will only take you so far in a relationship. If you don’t feel any real spark, then just let them go. Of course dating around and having fun is extremely important, especially when you’re young, but you also shouldn’t be wasting yours or the other person’s time.
  10. DON’T LET SOCIAL MEDIA DETERMINE HOW YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE!! Relationship goals are what YOU make them. Yes, those couples you see on social media doing outrageous things for one another are unbelievably cute sometimes, but you’re not them, and every couple is different in how they do things. Maybe you can’t afford to do things like that and vice versa with them. Maybe you guys just never thought to do certain things like that for one another, but that’s okay. It doesn’t make you guys any better or worse of a couple for not being able to. Do things that make you guys happy and always have.
  11. And finally, If you’re not meant to be in a relationship or ready for it, don’t be in one. I  know i briefly touched upon this before, but it really is true and so important. It’s not fair to the other person, and especially don’t do it just because you may feel bad for them. Just be open and honest with the person about how you feel and they should understand instead of being led on. And if they don’t, well you can’t be mad at them for that, it’s just how they feel and maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

This generation has gotten way too used to getting into a disagreement of some sort with their significant other and immediately turning to what they think is the best and/or easiest alternative which is either just breaking up, or worse, cheating. Like cut the crap, grow up, and actually talk shit out and/or work it out. That is, if you ACTUALLY  love and care about the person, otherwise don’t even bother to be honest.

A relationship takes time and effort. There’s going to be highs and lows, that’s inevitable, but how you choose to deal with those highs and lows will determine whether or not your relationship will make it. But it also shouldn’t feel like work. It shouldn’t be or feel like you’re killing yourself just to ensure that the relationship stays together. At the end of the day, although there will be lows, you should be happy and having fun with the person that you’re with, especially if you’re trying to have a real future with that person.

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That’s all I’ve got for you guys and this post today. Let me know in the comments below what you guys think about the things I mentioned and if you think I missed or left anything out.

Also let me know if there are any particular things you guys would want to see me post about in the future. Remember any and all feedback from you guys is always welcome!

-Xoxo, Leo Girl ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Warrior 🎗🙏🏼

How do you even begin to attempt to tell the story of a person that was taken way too soon by such an ugly/deadly disease? Unless you’ve been through it personally, the answer to that question is that you can’t. But, I guess the closest thing to knowing what it feels like is to watch someone you’re close to or just love/care about go through it.

It is with a huge amount of sadness that I say this is exactly what happened to a very special person in my family, my aunt Stephanie Melendez. She had been fighting and going back and forth with this terrible illness for years. She was fighting until her very last breathe was taken on October 18, 2017 at 4:30 am. Stephanie was 33-years-old; daughter, sister, wife, and most importantly, mother, to three beautiful girls.

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I’ve been thinking about what to say about this for nearly five days. These things/situations are always the worse; it’s like you want to be helpful and supportive but what do you even say? Pretty much nothing you say or do is going to help the person or people in this situation, they just lost a loved one to cancer. I think that’s always the worse part, wanting to be helpful and do all these things to attempt to console them, but feeling so helpless at the same time because you know nothing is really going to help them or make them feel better except getting that person back. Well that’s been my issue since Wednesday morning. So many things I wish I could say and do, but nothing feels right or anywhere near good enough.

I hate the fakeness that tends to come out when people pass away and during funerals. Suddenly people you haven’t seen or spoken to in years starts to come out of nowhere with all these words and feelings, but where was all this when the person was alive? Obviously it’s fine and one thing to express your condolences towards the person’s family and passing, but there’s a difference between that and coming out of left field making it seem like you guys were so much closer than what you really were. It’s not authentic and you’re only lying to yourself. That being said, I’m not going to pretend like I was super close to Steph, because I wasn’t, but I am going to say how I feel about her and everything that’s happened.

I want to do it in a way that describes her but also as a letter to her in a way that says everything I want to and wish I could’ve said to her.

Stephanie had her issues, and she made mistakes, but who doesn’t? There were a ton of things that used to be said about her BECAUSE of the mistakes she’s made, but you know what? She was an amazing freaking mother, and she always put her girls first no matter what. My thought is, you can make all the mistakes in the world, as long as you don’t involve or harm your kids in the process and step up when it comes down to it, that’s all that would REALLY matter. I used to hear a lot of things, facts, rumors, whatever you want to consider it, when they all still lived in New York, but I really didn’t care for 3 major reasons; 1. It was never my business what she did or didn’t do behind closed doors, 2. Her girls were always happy, healthy and taken care of, and 3. When she was around me she was always so sweet and genuine.

You know extended families when you see each other after a long time of not, they ask you the usual questions; how are you? How’s school? Are you in a relationship now? How’s your boyfriend/girlfriend? But it’s just typical stuff, so you don’t ever actually know if they care or simply asking because they feel like they should for the sake of conversation. But with Stephanie, it was different, she would ask these kinds of questions but there was something about it that you could just tell she actually cared about my responses, she always seemed interested and I loved that. And this meant the world to me because I could tell when others would ask and not really care so much. She also taught me how to hold a baby and change their diapers; with her supervision at certain times and even a lot of times without it, I know she trusted me with her girls because she knew how much I loved them and vice versa how much they loved me.

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When Stephanie, her husband and their girls moved to Florida I was so unbelievably sad. I don’t even remember saying bye to them. But it was sad because I was going to be going from seeing them pretty much every Saturday, to really not seeing them at all. They were only in Orlando, so it wasn’t THAT far obviously, but it was far enough, especially since it wasn’t like I was going to be able to travel back and forth to see them. In general, it just sucked. But I guess that’s why social media is so convenient, because we were able to keep up with each others’ lives. On and off through the years I would comment on her snapchats of the girls, and how much I missed them all and wanted to visit. She would tell me she missed me too, so did the girls and that I would always be welcomed to stay with them if I did visit. That always made me feel good and happy to hear. I’m actually jealous of my brother because he was able to go over there and visit them twice; technically it was for school/work but nonetheless he got to go stay with them and spend time with them for a few days, that which I never got to do. I had wanted to for a few years now but for one reason or another it never got to happen.

When I first found out you had been diagnosed with cervical cancer I was shocked and scared for you. I don’t remember who told me or how I found out exactly, but my first thoughts were definitely shocked, nervous for you, and the girls. Now, when I found out how long you were actually dealing with this, but hadn’t gotten any treatment, I’m not going to lie, I was mad at you because I couldn’t figure out how you could’ve known about this but not done anything to treat it. I realize now that was selfish of me, because of course it’s cancer so you were probably terrified. You also had a baby that was dealing with a heart condition that you put before yourself which was typical for you, so it all made sense afterwards.

When I found out you were in remission a few months ago and saw that video if you ringing the bell and reading the sign, I can’t tell you how happy it made me, I watched it about 2-3 times and couldn’t help but have a smile on my face. It was over, you were in the clear and weren’t going to have to worry about any of that again…or so we thought. Unfortunately, about two months later, you relapsed, but it wasn’t an ordinary type of relapse, it was as if this time around it came back for vengeance because it was back and hit harder than ever; but that didn’t seem to matter to you because you were prepared to fight it just like you did the first time….our super woman. And that’s exactly what you did was fight from that point on.

I remember finding out you had relapsed, I was sad again but for some reason not as worried about it, because I knew you had beat it once before, and you could do it again. Things got ugly and serious so fast after that. I’m pretty sure it was Jimito, my cousin, who told me about 2-3 weeks ago that your kidneys were failing so it was really just a matter of days/weeks now. When I heard that I was beyond the point of being at a loss for words. My first instinct was to reach out to Naisha (her oldest daughter). But what the hell was I going to say? Sorry that your mom is dying? Nothing I said would make her feel better or sound like anything she didn’t already know/hear. So, I opted to just being real and ask how she was doing  REALLY, she responded, “I’m okay, no one wants to see their mom going through this.” That alone was enough to break my heart and send me to tears. But I wanted to keep talking to her, I was determined to somehow or another either take her mind off things for a little while or somehow make her feel better. So we started talking about Demi Lovato.

Now, if you know me you know that I absolutely LOVE Demi Lovato and even that is probably an understatement. Recently (through her snapchats) I’ve noticed that she’s been liking her more and more, and (although it’s probably not the case) I like to think I had something to do with that lol. So I started to talk to her about Demi. We spoke about how much we liked her, why we liked her, her documentary and how good it was, etc. She ended up telling me how much she wished she could go to one of her concerts, and with me, so I told her we would, to one of her shows for her tour next year and I fully intend on making that happen for her if it means making her feel just a tiny bit better and putting a smile on her face.

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Fast-forward to a few days after this, we kept hearing about how worse you were getting and my mom and I were thinking/talking about how long it had been since the last time we spoke to you. We knew that although we wanted nothing more than for you to get better, the unfortunate reality was that your time was limited, and we wanted to able to speak to you and hear your voice one last time; so we called you. Actually, we called Naisha to hear her voice for a bit too first and see how she was, then we asked to speak to you, which was a little difficult because this was at the point where you were at your weakest so you could barely talk or move on your own anymore. My mom did most of the talking because, again, I had no idea what to say. My mom said hi to you, wished you well, and told you to keep fighting. With what little strength you had, you said hi to us followed by a series of “mhmms,” because that’s all that you could muster. At one point, I finally said hi and you said “hi…” then asked my mom, “who is that?” and she told you who I was and you were like “Ohhhh hi mama!” You sounded really happy/excited, which made me really happy. Then my mom asked you to sing something for her because she knew you loved music. You were quiet for like 2 minutes, then started humming for a few minutes before falling quiet again from being in and out of sleep. My mom started to end the conversation with you, she said she loved you, then I said bye I love you…and then I broke down. I started crying because deep down I had a feeling that was going to be the last time I ever spoke to you and I couldn’t believe it. It really was heartbreaking…And then the conversation ended.

Roughly two weeks after that conversation was when it happened. The ugly and disgusting monster that is cancer beat her, and as a result, took her life. It was Wednesday morning, I had gotten woken up by a phone call on the house phone, which I found weird for two reasons; 1. It was 7 o’clock in the morning, and 2. We rarely get calls on the house phone, let alone at that time of morning. The person left a message on the machine, but I didn’t hear who it was or what they had to say, I just know it was really weird. So I went about my morning getting ready for work, and then I saw my phone light up with a text from my mom, and for some reason that was it, that solidified the nervous feeling I got in the pit of my stomach. I just knew, or had a feeling, it was THAT text. And sure enough when I opened it, it was exactly what I feared. Stephanie had officially taken her last breath at 4:30 that morning. When I found out I couldn’t believe it, I broke down crying and shaking for about 10 minutes. This couldn’t be real, she couldn’t have actually died. She was supposed to get better and be okay again for Pipo and the girls. What’s going to happen now for them? So many questions and concerns running through my mind, but it wasn’t about me, it was about them and all the love and support they were going to need from this point forward, and now here we are….

Stephanie:I love you. I’m so sorry and sad that you are gone, but so unbelievably happy that you’re finally at peace and no longer in pain. You were an amazing mother to the girls, but you never have to worry about them being taken care of. And although it hadn’t happened in a few years, I’m going to miss the little talks on Saturdays we had when you guys still lived in New York. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be in Florida with everyone to pay my respects in person, but I’m really hoping somehow this makes up for that. 😔🙏🏼

Pipo & Girls: I love you guys so much ❤️❤️. I’m so sorry for your guys loss. Nobody should ever have to deal with this kind of loss, heartbreak, and pain. But you guys are all so unbelievably strong and loved 💪🏼❤️. None of you guys will ever have to worry about being alone or anything along those lines. But I guess that’s what’s great about having a big family, all of the love and support that comes along with that. I don’t want to say that everything’s going to be alright, because 1. I’ve never had to go through anything even remotely close to this before to know that, and 2. It’s not and won’t be for a long time if we’re being completely honest, and I know it may be hard to see and believe right now, but she really is in a better place right now, and this way she will literally always be with you guys. Your guys own personal guardian angel ❤️. And she’s probably up there in Heaven flying high with mamita right now watching over all of us ❤️🙏🏼

To The Rest of My Family: Let us please use this as a reason to become closer as a family, not more separated the way we’ve kind of all been the past few years. As cliche as it sounds, I think this situation can be used as a way to show/tell us to be more appreciative and mindful of our loved ones before it’s too late, because you truly never know when it’s going to be the last time you speak to or see your family or friends.😪

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“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. 

These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fill them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. 

Beautiful people do not just happen.”- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 💪🏼❤️🙏🏼🎗

I know that the majority of you who will read this that aren’t family, don’t know her or her family, but any little bit can and will help them during this difficult time. Click the link below to donate anything that you can.

https://www.gofundme.com/stephanie-melendez-memorial-fund